The New Romford Free Press

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Pacifica Wins Election, Independence


  By Stan Hopewell ATLANTIS —  In a historic election, Pacifica has won its independence in a landslide victory, 68% pro-independence, 30% anti-independence, 2% indifferent. After the revelation of Atlantean General Jor Q’Rell staging the Laval attack on the Atlantis-Pacifica meeting, and possible time travel shenanigans, King Morn A’Ganor of Atlantis agreed to hold an election to determine the fate of Pacifican independence.  Some political observers worried that two weeks was too little time to… Read More

’97 Tiger Is Stuck in the Present Now


By Dash Hamley NEW YORK – It looks like the ’97 Tiger Woods, who was brought to the present through a time machine and dubious reasons, will be sticking around the present for a while. After the disastrous end to the “Tiger vs. Tiger” match, the PGA, under supervision of Dr. Amazing and 24 federal agents, was set to send ’97 Tiger back to his time.  Dr. Amazing had brought his time portal to the… Read More

Giant Feet and Tails Retreat and Are Now Gone For Some Reason


By Buffy Bolivar SYDNEY, Australia – It took the giant gray feet and tails a month to descend nearly 500 feet from their portals in the sky, and in an abrupt turn of events, they retreated and disappeared in three minutes. “We’ve been monitoring them closely,” said Professor Stratosphere, “and they’ve been descending at a constant rate of about a centimeter per day.  Then, for some reason, they just stopped and ascended very quickly.  And… Read More

Overseer Says He’s ‘On Vacation’; People Freak Out When He Appears


By Buffy Bolivar PARIS – The Overseer, the giant-headed observer of our planet, is apparently “on vacation…traveling around Earth for fun,” and people are freaking out whenever he appears. The Overseer explained in a press conference in Paris today that he is “simply on vacation.”  For the past week, he has appeared at Mt. Fuji, the Taj Mahal, the Great Pyramids, and yesterday, the Eiffel Tower.   Each appearance has caused people to freak out because… Read More

Supervillain Volcano Base Destroyed When Volcano Erupts


By Muffy Borgeron PACIFIC OCEAN – In a surprising turn of events, only in that it doesn’t happen more often, a supervillain’s volcano base was destroyed by the volcano itself. Colonel Calamity resided on his volcano base, Calamity Crater, for the past 40 years before yesterday’s eruption.  Since the island is technically its own sovereign nation, the conniving Colonel is the head of state for 450-2,500 residents (depending on if he’s planning another world takeover),… Read More

INFINITE WORLDS: Superheroes Keep Punching Each Other


By Tarani Kapoor As Project INFINITY explores the multiverse, team leader Tarani Kapoor writes about their travels into the unknown.  We’ll bring you select excerpts from her journal as ATOM Labs provides them to us. DIMENSION 46 As we’ve traversed the multiverse, we’ve come across superheroes in about half our worlds (more depending on your definition of superhero), but by and large, everytime we’ve come across them, they are fighting supervillains and monsters.  Now, we’ve… Read More

More Barbarian Artifacts Appear in Dukes

barbarian castle

By Packie Williams The Seaside Castle wasn’t the only thing left over from Vrog’s brief barbarian empire.  Residents in Dukes are now finding barbarian artifacts in parks, alleys, and even their basements. “I was just doing some cleaning in my basement when I came across a bow and arrow,” said Shantae Williams.  “It was behind some boxes, and I’ve never taken up archery, let alone held a bow and arrow.  For a minute, I thought… Read More