The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.

Ask Julia: Moving to New Romford


By Julia Crumpleman

Today’s question comes from Nora:

Dear Julia, my husband and I just moved into our new home here in New Romford, the Norwoods borough, specifically Holland.  We’ve done a lot of research on our own about the big city, but we hardly ever get superheroes in Indiana.  What should we do to protect ourselves and our home?  Thanks!

Nora, let me be the first to welcome you to New Romford!  Moving here is a big adjustment for most people, so there may be a little culture shock at first.  While we’ll get supervillains, space aliens, and the occasional visit from Atlantis (which happens tomorrow by the way—steer clear of downtown) or some other non-human contingent, the eye candy should smooth over any worries you may have.

Thankfully, Holland is a peaceful neighborhood as far as superhuman activity goes.  Most of that stuff happens downtown, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t remain vigilant.  Obviously, lock your doors, always carry a cell phone, and be aware of your surroundings.  You never know when a rampaging Vandal from the 5th century or a rock creature from the Blue Lagoon might appear.  This happens more frequently than you may think.

Your first order of business should be to get superhuman insurance.  This is a separate policy that you’ll need to buy as most insurance companies don’t provide coverage (think of it like flood insurance).  There are several superhuman insurance companies in New Romford, so pick the one that’s right for you.  Trust me, you’ll be glad to have it when Adonis or Titana uses your car to bludgeon Binaro into submission.  On the subject of Adonis, please only yell for help when you really need it.  He can hear your screams from anywhere in the city, and he is a very busy superhero.

The unfortunate truth is that there isn’t much you can do to protect yourself, your husband, or your home.  Most superhumans are powerful enough to bust through steel walls, and I doubt your house is made of titanium.  The best thing that you can do is to be prepared and go about your day.  Most New Romforders never see a battle in person, anyway.

But keep a suitcase filled with clothes, water, food, and supplies that you can grab at a moment’s notice in your home or car just in case you have to flee from an alien invasion or some such thing.

Welcome to New Romford!