The New Romford Free Press

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Dracula Wins Transylvanian Election


By Buffy Bolivar

CLUJ – In a decisive victory, Transylvanian Prime Minister Dracula won reelection for the 28th consecutive time, continuing his 220 year reign.  He defeated the Full Moon Party candidate, Dinu Nicolescu, a werewolf, with 61% of the vote.

While publicly campaigning on jobs, infrastructure, and lower taxes on blood imports, Dracula ran a dirty campaign.  Nicolescu complained about attack ads aimed at him and his werewolf nature, calling them “disgraceful and discriminatory against my Lupine-kind”.  Nicolescu’s werewolf half also made several complaints about Dracula’s tactics during the full moon, usually by scratching notes into walls and howling at the moon.

Before Nicolescu, no werewolf had ever run for Prime Minister, and only 14% of Parliament is Full Moon.  “Many Transylvanians are wary of the werewolves,” said New Romford political scientist, Maria Stephens.  “It’s been over thirty years since the werewolf rights movement happened in that country, yet they still have reservations about their leaders tearing up the place once a month.  Not to mention the shedding.”

Dracula insists he ran a proper campaign and scoffs at the idea he engaged in dirty politics.  “My opponent is a werewolf, and 30% of our populace is Lupine,” he said.  “As Prime Minister, I must lead and protect all of my people regardless of if they’re human, vampire, werewolf, golem, or minotaur.  All creatures are welcome in Transylvania.”

Exit polls show that the main concern for voters was the economy with unemployment reaching 11% last month.  Nicolescu promised to lower taxes on the wealthiest Transylvanians to encourage job creation, an issue 57% of Transylvanians disagreed with, and pledged to increase taxes on silver and wolfsbane, both of which received less support.  Voters were clear in wanting to stay the course with Dracula, supporting his call for better roads, increased mining in the Carpathians, and monthly blood-tasting parties at his villa near the Turda Gorges.

“What can I say,” said Stephens.  “Dracula throws the best parties.”