The New Romford Free Press

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Cat Monster Eats Hamilton Hotel

By Stan Hopewell

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A 50-foot cat-like monster terrorized downtown New Romford today, eating the majority of the Hamilton Hotel before being stopped by Adonis.

Several eye witnesses and camera photos show a largely formless creature, covered in fur with whiskers and pointed ears.  Many residents described it as a “cat monster” while fleeing the scene.  “It came out off a cargo ship at the docks,” said Jack Hannahan, a trucker who was down at the docks.  “I don’t know where it came from, but the ship’s crew apparently didn’t know it was on their ship when it broke loose.”

The origin of the creature was unknown.  Monster Island is located in the Pacific Ocean, not the Atlantic.  The NRPD are investigating the ship’s crew and logs very carefully to determine its origin and if foul play was involved.

Once the creature left the ship, it moved across the docks and jumped over I-99.  It apparently landed on a train which went north through downtown.  The creature fell off around 8th Avenue, disoriented according to witnesses.  Then, there was a gurgling sound emanating from the creature, and it ate the Hamilton Hotel.  Fortunately, the building was empty due to remodeling.

After the creature devoured the hotel, Adonis swooped in, punched the creature a few times in its face, tied its whiskers in a bow, and flew it out of the city to an unknown destination.  “It’s somewhere safe,” Adonis said.  “I don’t know where it came from, but the police have it handled.”

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