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Mysterious Thefts Continue Even After Dino-Day Disaster

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By Packie Williams

In what can only be described as adding insult to injury, the mysterious thefts plaguing the neighborhoods of Dukes have continued even after the Dino-Day Disaster.

Andrew and Marshall Parks of Essex Town reported that their house was damaged in the Disaster, but nothing of value was missing.  “We were just getting settled in,” said Andrew.  “We patched up part of the roof and made sure our doors and windows locked like normal, and then we wake up this morning to find that all our jewelry and money was missing.  And the doors and windows were still locked.”

Several houses in Essex Town reported similar thefts, all on the same night.  The NRPD are now investigating this as a superhuman crime spree.  “That’s the most likely conclusion,” said Police Commissioner Trombeau.  “Everything points to a superhuman using his or her powers to invade these homes and steal money and valuables from unsuspecting residents.  Whether or not last night’s thefts have any connection to the other series of supposed thefts from the past couple months cannot be determined at this time.  One of the perpetrators could a man with a mind-control device on his head, and the other could be a smoke monster with psychotropic powers.  It’s difficult to tell.”

A ghost has also been proposed as a possible suspect as some currently inhabit the city, and they may be vengeful, as ghosts generally are.

Regardless, who or whatever has committed these thefts clearly doesn’t care about the recent Disaster these residents have experienced.  “I mean, we were some really tiny dinosaurs,” said Marsha Parks.  “Really really tiny.  It was all we could do to not get squished.  And now, we think we’re out of the woods, and this happens.”

“Sometimes I wonder why we still live in this city.”