The New Romford Free Press

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Twin Cities Returning to Normal


By Skip Daverman

MINNEAPOLIS – After the month-long nightmare of the sentient bickering mouths, the Twin Cities are finally returning to normal, and making some money along the way.

The damage caused by the mouths, which became sentient due to the evil sorcerer, Nilrem, was not as extensive as previously thought.  The damage to the infrastructure was limited.  Only about 30 streets in both cities combined needed repairs, and surprisingly, around 120 buildings were damages with only 9 critically damaged.  The windows all across the Twin Cities needed the most repairs, but most residents were grateful for that.

“I really thought my home was destroyed,” said Robert Mathis, who lives less than a mile from downtown Minneapolis.  “Those mouths were so loud.  I thought for sure the sound waves would’ve just crushed everything, but all I came home to was a couple of broken windows and a bent storm drain.  Talk about lucky.”  Unlike Kansas, Magicimo could not reverse the damage with a spell.  A reversal spell would need to be cast within 24 hours of the original spell to work.

With everyone returning home, the Twin Cities have not only gotten back to work but also have started capitalizing on their plight.  Both cities have commissioned artists to paint an outline of where the mouths were, and once done, they’ll place plaques along the way to preserve this unique piece of history.  They’ve even proposed to make each site a National Historical Site, but a decision on that isn’t expected until at least next year.

Furthermore, to help generate some revenue and to mitigate the revenue they lost from this disaster, both cities are offering helicopter tours so people can see the “mouths” from up in the sky.  “It’s been really popular,” said St. Paul pilot Jon Francis.  “When you get up in the air, you really get a sense of just how big those things were.  Sometimes I like to spook them by rumbling into my headset.  Heh, really sounds like they’re coming back to the passengers.”

And in other Nilrem news, the Chicago Cubs returned to Wrigley Field, playing their first home game in months.  So far, no one has noticed that they’ve returned.