The New Romford Free Press

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Laika Moved to Siberia


By Skip Daverman

MOSCOW – The giant space dog Laika has been relocated to the wilds of Siberia, where she can destroy the countryside in peace without harming “anything of value”, according to the Russian government.

After destroying a farm outside of Moscow, the Russian government needed to move Laika to some other place for further study.  The farm was all but destroyed, and its fields will take years of work just to make them usable again.  One day, she got loose from the scientists and began marking her territory in a nearby town, nearly drowning the townsfolk.  She needed to be moved to an empty expanse of land where no human would want to live.

Luckily, Russia has Siberia and lots of it.  President Putin told the people of the Sakha Republic to vacate if they wish because a giant space dog was moving in.  The Sakha Republic is a section of Russia with a little over 950,000 people within an area roughly one-third the size of the United States.  Needless to say, it’s sparse.   The Russian government hopes to contain Laika within the northern regions of Sakha as it is even more remote, which is saying something for Siberia.

This time, Ural rounded Laika into a giant carrying case and flew her to her new home.  With the extra space, Laika should be able to roam freely while scientists study her, and she can chase Siberian tigers and create new slobber ponds to her heart’s content.