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Kelsey Grammer Ends Hawaiian Curse

By Julia Crumpleman

HONOLULU – After a series of strange incidents, actor Kelsey Grammer has ended the Hawaiian curse he was apparently under for a month.

Back in May, Grammer fell into a cave while hiking with friends near his home in Hawaii.  What seemed like a minor incident led to a series of misfortunes for the actor, including stepping on dozens of rakes, insisting that his name was Dr. Frasier Crane, and, most recently, only eating tossed salad and scrambled eggs for every meal.  The source of these strange incidents was finally made clear when Grammer revealed that he had taken a Tiki idol statue from the cave and kept it with him at all times.

“I was cursed,” the former Cheers actor said.  “I did not realize it at the time, but the Tiki idol cursed me just like it did to Greg Brady [of The Brady Bunch TV show, which did a similar story in 1972].  I did not think it was real.  It was a television show after all.”

The former Frasier star realized the connection when his friend, Mark Platt, reminded him of the episode.  Then it was just a matter of finding an ancient Hawaiian burial ground to dispose of it to end the curse.  “After I convinced the TSA agents that I needed to bring my tossed salad and scrambled eggs with me for the five-hour flight,” said the former Hank star, “I found a native spiritual leader to direct me to the proper place, and we performed the proper ceremony.”

“I can now say with full certainty that my name is Kelsey Grammer,” said the former Boss star, “and if I ever see another rake or eat another salad or egg again, it will be too soon.”