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Dr. Amazing Assures Mulitverse Isn’t Collapsing

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By Packie Williams

Dr. Amazing (file photo)

Dr. Amazing (file photo)

Despite wild speculation from fringe news sources, Dr. Amazing assured the public that the multiverse is not collapsing in on itself.

“I know some of my colleagues have been putting out dire warnings here and there,” said Dr. Amazing, “but they’re drawing too steep a conclusion from a small sample size.  Yes, some alternate universes have disappeared, but this is a natural occurrence.  They either escape detection, or they get merged with other universes, or yes, they sometimes die.  Nothing has changed so dramatically though to merit such a sweeping conclusion.”

In the past few weeks, several scientists from New York and London have detected a decrease in the number of alternate universes they normally keep tabs on everyday.  Led by Professor Richard Reeds of the Hayden Planetarium, the scientists monitor the specific frequencies and resonances of over 1,000 alternate universes.  In the past three months, 24 have disappeared altogether.

“This is very troubling,” said Reeds.  “Some universes just blipped out all of a sudden, and then we had a string of five go out one right after another.  I’m not trying to alarm anyone, but well, this is alarming.  The disturbing part is that we have no idea what’s causing this.”

Reeds, however, denied that he claimed the multiverse was collapsing in on itself.  “That’s absurd,” he said.  “We’d have to see a higher, more consistent rate of collapse than this, but it is cause for concern.  What if our universe is next?  We have no way of knowing.”

Dr. Amazing and ATOM Labs also monitor alternate universes, and while they don’t dispute Reeds’s findings, they don’t like how he’s spreading fear to news outlets.

“Professor Reeds is a good scientist,” said Dr. Amazing, “but he likes to exaggerate.  He says these things, and news outlets pick it up with little understanding of what’s actually going on.  He’s going on about superheroes in other universes battling out with different versions of themselves as if he can actually see that happening.”

“No matter what he says, our universes aren’t folding together like if you ‘smooshed two pizzas together’,” said Dr. Amazing.  “That’s just absurd.”

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