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New Bill Aims to Destroy Supervillain Bases Before They Set Up Shop

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By Packie Williams

A new bill proposed by the New Romford City Council would require buildings to be demolished within 30 days of being abandoned.  The aim of the bill is to get rid of abandoned buildings before they’re used by supervillains for their bases of operation.

“It just makes sense,” Councilman Randall Ayo.  “Supervillains and gangsters are always using abandoned buildings as their hideouts, so why are we letting them just sit there?  Someone’s just going to come in, set up shop, and terrorize our city.”

Currently, New Romford is home to 580 abandoned facilities.  These are office buildings, factories, apartment complexes, warehouses, two amusement parks, and eight collapsed subway stations.  It’s estimated that at least 60 supervillains, reformed or not, are living in the city along with five gangs.

“They have to be living somewhere,” said Ayo, “and we just don’t have the capacity to patrol all of those places while keeping watch on everywhere else.  Demolition will clean things up quickly.”

But not everyone thinks this is such a bright idea.  City Planner, Janice Coleman, thinks the abandoned buildings can be refurbished, and the focus needs to be on generating new business in the existing facilities.  “You can’t just go around knocking down every building that doesn’t have an occupant in it,” she said.  “Some of these places have been around for a century or more, and they have wonderful architecture to them that just need some renovation.  And if you do destroy them, then what?  You just have an empty lot.  You’re going to abandon the neighborhood with the building.”

Property management companies are also against this bill for obvious reasons.  “You’d be literally destroying our business,” said Jonathan McDoyle of Winston River Properties.  “Do you know what our average turnaround times for properties are?  Fifteen months.  Property in New Romford is expensive.  It takes time for us to sell these places.  Demolishing buildings after a month means demolishing our business, too.”

Councilman Ayo is not deterred.  He acknowledges the criticism but takes a hard anti-supervillain stance.  “We’ll provide tax breaks for new buildings and businesses that take up a lot that was demolished after one month,” he said.  “We’ll make it easier to build new properties, but leaving these places essentially open for supervillains hurts our economy more.  They’re more likely to get destroyed by these supervillains anyway, and they’re more likely to hurt the homes and businesses that surround it.  We need to stop enabling supervillains.”

“Also, those abandoned amusement parks are super creepy.  How are they still standing?”