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Ask Julia: I Have an Alien Girlfriend, I Think

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By Julia Crumpleman

Greetings, Earthlings!  Today’s question comes from “Jacob” from “an undisclosed location”.

Okay, so I started dating my girlfriend about three months ago, and so far, everything’s been great.  But lately, she’s been sneaking out at night when we’re together, and she comes back covered in dirt, jittery, and her eyes are completely black with some weird symbol in them.  I’ve finally confronted her about this a couple nights ago, and she confessed that she’s an alien princess on the run from an enemy her planet has been fighting for millennia, and she’s going out at night to “deal” with them.  She won’t tell me more than that, and I’m not sure I believe it, but the eye thing is freaking me out.

So, my question is:  where can I go to get information about alien civilizations?  I just want to verify her story, you know, because I really like her, and I hope she isn’t crazy or something.  Thanks!

Well, this wasn’t where I thought this question was going, so first off, good on you, “Jacob,” for sticking by your girlfriend and her…extracurricular activities!

Now the answer to your question is a bit tricky.  There are literally millions of alien civilizations out there, and Earth has only experienced a fraction of them.  Any information source is likely going to be incomplete or focus on a few planets.

That said, I’d recommend visiting the New Romford University Library first.  I know kids these days love to find things online, but a good old trip to the library has never hurt anybody.  Talk to some of the librarians there as the NRU Library has a whole section devoted to extraterrestrial books.  They’ll be able to direct you to the most current and reliable scholarship of alien civilizations.

Next, I’d recommend visiting the Peace Force Museum.  Superheroes fight aliens on a regular basis, and they have an extensive archive of alien battle that includes photos and film.  You might find something there, but if you stay too long, security will get suspicious.

Another possibility, though this is a long shot, would be to write Dr. Amazing or the Peace Force directly.  Bear in mind that if you do, they will likely investigate your girlfriend, and she probably won’t be your girlfriend anymore.

Or you could try believing her!  We live in a very active universe, and we get a lot of extraterrestrial activity here.  If her eyes are going black and showing a symbol, she may be telling the truth.  Good luck!