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Pug Gang Walk Through Walls of DA’s Office

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By Chase Chapley

The Pug Gang, wearing special jumpsuits, walked through the walls of the District Attorney’s office last night and stole several documents, according to security camera footage.

Pugsley Pepperdome, leader of the anthropomorphic pug gang, and three members of his crew don’t normally have the power to walk through walls.  It is assumed that the special jumpsuits allowed them to phase through solid matter.  How is not known as these seem to be the first suits of their kind, according to scientists.

The Pug Gang stationed in the building across from the DA’s office, the Monarch Building, and fired a zipline across the street, not breaking any glass along the way.  They reportedly swung along the zipline into the DA’s office and proceeded to break into file cabinets and hack into the DA’s computer.  Authorities did not reveal what was in the file cabinets, but Pepperdome seemed to be looking for something specific.  The security guard, watching this on the security camera in the office, called the police.  He reportedly didn’t want to “tangle with people with the proportional power of pugs.”

The NRPD surrounded the block and stormed the Monarch Building.  The Pug Gang grabbed whatever they could and jumped across the street into the Monarch Building, seven stories lower than where they hooked their zipline.  The jump was ill-advised for two of the Pugs.  While they phased through the building’s exterior, they unphased too soon and slammed into the 8th story floor.  They were incapacitated from the fall and were easily arrested.

The other two Pugs, including Pepperdome, kept on phasing through the entire building.  They presumably went underground and either drowned to death in the Earth, landed in a subway station or underground cavern, or somehow slowed their descent through gradual phasing.  Whatever their fate, neither the authorities or Adonis were able to find them.

Of particular interest is how their suits granted them their power.  Some scientists think quantillium could do the trick as it’s a rare space mineral with properties still unknown to Earth and alien scientists.  Until then, the police remain on the search for the remaining seven-foot pug men.