By Falco Rockbert
MAZE ISLAND, Caribbean Sea – Reformed supervillain, Maze Man, a.k.a. Maximillian Mazerly, has been cleaning up his act for the past 15 years. He’s designed mazes for over 30 theme parks around the world, and despite a track record of putting death traps in his mazes, not a single person has been harmed by these new mazes.
Now, Mazerly has opened his own island resort, Maze Island, and he promises it’s not a death trap.
“I know my past better than anyone else,” he said. “There has been countless injuries in my mazes, and I’ve paid my debt to society for them. But no one has ever died in one of my mazes, and that’s something I pride myself on. Sure, my mazes have driven a certain number of people to go insane, but no one has died.”
For the record, 18 people, including superhero Wave Man, have been institutionalized from entering Mazerly’s mazes over the past 30 years, and all of them still need psychiatric help to this day.
“And I know I used to employ ‘death traps,’” he continued, “but did anyone actually die? No, of course not. I’m a genius maze maker, not a genius death trap maker. Those were just obstacles for superheroes, especially for El Toro. He was just the best at solving them.”
To appease the fears people might have in coming to an island resort designed by the famed Maze Man himself, especially one with 12 mazes on it, Mazerly invited El Toro to examine his resort last month. El Toro couldn’t find any sign of death traps, and he reported only two mazes might cause insanity, but Mazerly had put warning signs at their entrances.
The mazes come in the form of hedge mazes, pyramid mazes, castle mazes, a corn maze, and a maze that can only be solved with a helicopter. Mazerly didn’t give an explanation for how some of his mazes worked, leaving that up to his guests.
“It wouldn’t be any fun if I told you how to solve them,” he said. “Some are straight-forward, for the average guest, but for the true maze enthusiasts, I give no instruction. Sometimes, I don’t point out where the entrance is.”
“And again, I promise, no death traps.”