By Falco Rockbert
MAZE ISLAND, Caribbean Sea – Maximillian Mazerly, a.k.a. Maze Man, was arrested today after his island resort, Maze Island, was full of death traps despite his many assurances that it wasn’t.
El Toro apparently visited Maze Island undercover as a civilian on numerous occasions over the past few weeks, unconvinced that the supervillain had truly reformed. Prior to the resort’s opening, he inspected all 12 of the island’s mazes, including the hotel, pool, golf course, and facilities. At the time, El Toro couldn’t find any sign of death traps.
But there was a secret maze: the 13th Maze. It was filled with death traps.
“I heard rumors of the 13th Maze from the staff,” said Cristos Williams, one of the first guests to the resort. “They talked about it in hushed tones, which only made it more enticing. I had already completed the underwater maze and the full-island maze, so I was looking for another challenge. So I followed one employee to a storage closet that was emitting a green light, and I thought, ‘Bingo, 13th Maze.’ Then, I fell down a trap door into a room of spikes, wrecking balls, and lasers.”
“It was nothing but death traps.”
According to the nearly two dozen guests who entered the 13th Maze, each corridor punished the maze runner if they took a wrong turn or tried to cheat, usually by shooting spikes or lasers at them. Three people fell into a snake pit, which were non-venomous, though they didn’t know that at the time, and two people were hit with the spikes, non-fatally. Somehow, no one actually died from the death traps.
But this all seemed to be a ruse to attract El Toro into the 13th Maze. When he did emerge in costume, El Toro helped the guests who were stuck in the maze. The real danger of the 13th Maze, as it turned out, was that there wasn’t an exit, and Maze Man appeared on a video screen to gloat about this to El Toro.
“Man, I should’ve known this was all a trap for El Toro,” said Michael Fern. “I kept seeing bull symbols all over the island. Like, dude wasn’t even subtle about it in hindsight. He’s always had a grudge.”
Thankfully, El Toro analyzed the entrance to the 13th Maze and recognized that it was a dimensional portal, which was how he missed it. He reconfigured an analysis device on his belt to trigger the portal’s energy signature and was able to teleport himself and everyone else out of the maze safely. Then, it was a simple matter of defeating Maze Man’s goons and capturing Maze Man himself, and the horror of the 13th Maze was over.
Mazerly tried to explain that no one had actually died in his “death traps” (and he made air quotes), but considering three people were traumatized in the snake pits, El Toro punched him in the face, knocking him unconscious. Currently, he is in custody of the local officials.