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World News: A Kraken, A Portal, The Bermuda Triangle, and Giant Potatoes

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  • World News: A Kraken, A Portal, The Bermuda Triangle, and Giant Potatoes


By Falco Rockbert

MUMBAI, India – Indian superhero, the Purple Monsoon, stopped Paul Plunder from smuggling billions of dollars worth of ancient artifacts out of the Mumbai docks yesterday night.  Plunder, a British supervillain known for smuggling indigenous treasures, had a cargo ship full of stolen Indian items when the Purple Monsoon swept into the docks with her army of sharks, jellyfish, and whales barricading the ship’s exit.  She used her water powers to flood the cargo ship, throwing jellyfish at the faces of Plunder’s henchmen, incapacitating them with their venomous stings.  A fire-fight followed via Plunder’s flame throwers, trapping the Purple Monsoon, but she called in her trump card, Zayn, the Kraken.  Zayn thrashed the henchmen with his enormous tentacles, and the Purple Monsoon had an opening to knock out Plunder.  The henchmen who had escaped the jellyfish and Zayn surrendered to local police, and the Purple Monsoon hopped onto Zayn’s back and rode off from the docks.

LAGOS, Nigeria – The flour that had dropped onto the city a week ago was finally cleaned up today.  Rain from a couple days ago made clean up sticky and difficult, but the city is back to normal now.  Scientists, meanwhile, have determined the portal was opened by a strange energy fluctuation in Munich, Germany, but the origin of that is still unknown.  The flour came from a Wertzenbach Foods warehouse in Munich, and that was discovered right away.  Wertzenbach Foods reported $1.2 million in lost and damaged goods.  Authorities and scientists are looking for any leads into the origin of the portal.

BERMUDA TRIANGLE – Over the past three days, ships and planes that have mysteriously drowned in the Bermuda Triangle have now floated to the ocean’s surface, also mysteriously.  Satellite imaging has spotted over 60 man-made crafts, and so far, they appear to be unmanned.  The Peace Force is sending a team to investigate, and Atlantis is investigating the ocean floor.

DUBLIN, Ireland – A man claiming to be from 19th century Ireland suddenly appeared in the Irish countryside with nine giant potatoes.  The man claimed to be Ian McGilley, a Irishman who disappeared in the 1850s during the Irish potato famine, and he said he followed “an angel” to a “mystical land” where food was gigantic and plentiful.  McGilley said that he had a series of adventures and misfortunes with the local populace of this “mystical land”, but with the aid of the “angel”, he was able to procure nine giant potatoes that would feed his impoverished nation.  He also claims that he was only in this “mystical land” for two weeks, and he is reportedly very confused with the 21st century.  While scientists have confirmed that McGilley came from to the Irish countryside via a interdimensional portal, they can’t confirm the rest of his story.  The giant potatoes, on the other hand, do appear to be giant potatoes, but authorities are keeping them secured while scientists determine if they’re safe to eat.