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Space News Roundup: Skull Planet, 36-Year Campaign, the Cutest Volcanic Explosion, and Resort Planetoids

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PLANET PEACE, f.k.a. SKULL PLANET – The pirates who “overthrew” the planet formerly known as Planet Peace have apparently grown bored of the planet they renamed Skull Planet.  After a two-week occupation, the pirates have left the planet, whatever its name is now.  Ostensibly, control of the planet has returned to the previous inhabitants, but reports show the pirates left the inhabitants worse for wear.  When the pirates were disappointed in the orgies, they ransacked much of the planet, stole as many valuables as they could find, which turned out to be rocks and blankets, and consumed all of their drugs.  And they punched the inhabitants for fun.  When they became bored with the punching, they left on their own accord.  The inhabitants have asked for food, medicine, and any recreational drugs neighboring planets can spare.

URT  – The planet Urt has finally decided on when to hold their election for Leader of the Planet.  The 18 candidates have been campaigning for the past 36 Earth years, and frankly, everyone is exhausted.  Elections for Leader of the Planet usually happen on a regular interval, once every 4 Urt years (6 Earth years).  But somehow Urt stopped revolving around its sun, so the Urt year never advanced.  How the planet got stuck is unknown.  The scientists’ best guess in an anomaly in the fabric of spacetime, and they’re still trying to get it moving again.  While the seasons have all but stopped, Urt has found ways to survive, but they still don’t know whether or not to advance their calendars, which has led to the 36 year campaign season.  Finally, after much bureaucratic debate, the government has determined a date to hold the election (50 Urt days from now).  As expected, the primary campaign issue has been getting the planet moving again.

MARPIE – Marpie, the planetoid that was birthed by Marp, had its first volcanic eruption last week, and it was just the cutest volcanic eruption in the galaxy, according to witnesses.

CARRIAN RESORT PLANETOIDS – The construction project of customized, luxury planetoids known as the Carrian Resorts suffered a setback recently when two asteroids exploded apart when they were being fused together.  The two asteroids apparently had pockets of water and methane that the construction crews of Omin Ookeil Harpin Nlokmo Ordingists (OOHNO) had not detected, and when they attempted to fuse them together, they created a massive explosion.  Rocks flew everywhere, destroying several planetoids in construction and damaging several more in a violent chain reaction.  No one was seriously harmed in the accident, according to the OOHNO, but now asteroids are flying all over the galaxy.  OOHNO lawyers said that they would not be liable for damages as the accident occurred in intergalactic space, and thus are not subject to planetary laws.

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