By Buffy Bolivar
SYDNEY, Australia – It took the giant gray feet and tails a month to descend nearly 500 feet from their portals in the sky, and in an abrupt turn of events, they retreated and disappeared in three minutes.
“We’ve been monitoring them closely,” said Professor Stratosphere, “and they’ve been descending at a constant rate of about a centimeter per day. Then, for some reason, they just stopped and ascended very quickly. And now they’re gone.”
“We have no idea why.”
The giant feet and tails have become tourist attractions for Australia as they could be seen up to 1,000 miles away. Authorities have kept a steady perimeter around the area without few incidents. In two separate incidents, people have snuck through the perimeter to get a look of the feet from right below them. Naturally, the prevailing fear was the feet would suddenly drop and crush anyone foolish enough to be under them.
“A fall like that would likely have cracked the ground below,” said Professor Stratosphere. “The impact would’ve caused earthquakes all over Australia and probably up into Asia. Of course, that’s assuming their weight equaled their size. They could’ve been light as a feather for all we know.”
Scientists tried to fly closer to the feet to get better readings and possible skin samples, but a mysterious down draft emanating from the portals made that impossible. At least, they think it was wind. That, too, was impossible to tell.
“We didn’t detect any air movement around the feet,” said Professor Stratosphere. “There was some air movement right around them, but it was just the natural air movement. We blew smoke across them, and the smoke just blew on past them. So, it was probably a bend in spacetime. I think?”
“Honestly, we have no idea what they were or where they came from. They were here for some reason, and now they’re not here for some reason. We have no idea.”
Asked about the likelihood the giants would reappear on Earth, Professor Stratosphere said, “Pick a percentage from zero to a hundred. Go ahead. Your guess is as good as mine!”