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Project INFINITY Returns Home Early, Surprising Everyone

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By Chase Chapley

Surprising everyone at ATOM Labs, the Project INFINITY team returned home early after a string of terrible alternate dimensions with the final straw being a world where Donald Trump was elected President of the United States.

Project INFINITY was scheduled to return in another three months after exploring 100 alternate dimensions.  The New Romford Free Press has been running pieces from Tarani Kapoor’s journal about their experiences.  But the team returned yesterday after only exploring 58 dimensions.

“Some of the worlds were more difficult than we anticipated,” said Kapoor in a press conference this morning.  “Our team was equipped to handle most of what we encountered, but we did not anticipate dimension 54, which was a world of near-constant acid rain.  In retrospect, we should’ve made all of our equipment acid-proof.”

“Having lost much of our equipment to the acid,” she continued, “traversing dimensions 55, 56, and 57 was a journey of attrition.  55 was filled with giants, 56 landed us in the ocean somehow, and 57 was covered in lava.  It took all of our might and willpower to survive those dimensions, and many of us were injured.  Then, we entered dimension 58.”

“Dimension 58 was a world much like our own, so we were naturally grateful not to be drowning or on fire,” said Kapoor.  “It gave us time to catch our breath, but we had entered a United States that was in the midst of an election, and the people of that word had, beyond all belief, elected Donald Trump to be their President.”

Kapoor went on to describe how this believed his convoluted statements, conspiracy theories, and baseless claims.  This world also was on the verge of electing Hillary Clinton as their President and that she somehow lost even though she won 2 million more votes.  (They apparently still used the Electoral College.)  Half this America believed global warming to be a hoax, wanted to build a wall along the Mexican border, and wanted to register Muslims on a government watch list.

“And they had no superheroes,” said Kapoor.  “After that, we were done.  That was it.  My team had been demoralized, and I made the executive decision to abort the mission.”

But not everyone returned home.  The twin superhumans, Mike and Jennifer Laramie, decided to stay in dimension 58.

“They wanted to, quote, fix things, end quote,” said Kapoor.  “I was not going to argue with them on that.”