The New Romford Free Press

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‘Local’

Barbarian Castle Becomes Tourist Attraction

By Chase Chapley The barbarian castle in Dukes has remained in place despite Vrog’s magic no longer holding it in place.  How it remains is unknown, but the owner of the land it sits on is making the most of it. “It’s added a whole new dimension to the block,” said Karl Oppenheim, owner of the Seaside Shopping Centre.  “At first, I was devastated by having a castle in my shopping center, but after thinking… Read More

Hellena Sentenced to 40 Years

By Chase Chapley After returning from a losing bid in International Time Court, Hellena was sentenced to 40 years in prison for stealing an experimental device from ATOM Labs. Hellena, an alternate timeline version of Titana, returned to New Romford from Paris after all nine Time Judges denied her request to be tried by them rather than New Romford City Court.  The Time Judges were not persuaded by her attorney’s arguments.  Neither was the jury,… Read More

Apparently We All Turned Into Barbarians Last Night

By Packie Williams In another strange-yet-normal-for-New-Romford tale, the entire city and metropolitan area of New Romford magically turned into a barbarian kingdom, and we turned into barbarian warriors and servants. Don’t remember it?  That’s because the magic that turned us into barbarians also erased all memory of it from our minds and from the landscape.  But a barbarian castle now exists on the coastline in Dukes, and scientists detect high amounts of magic radiation from… Read More

Dinosaur Queen’s Trial Pushed Back

By Chase Chapley NEW YORK – Dinosaur Queen’s trial, which was expected to begin next week, is being pushed back another two months as federal prosecutors and the State Department determine her legal status for her attack on New Romford. Dinosaur Queen has been imprisoned in an undisclosed location since being captured following the Dino-Day Disaster, which has led to 85 deaths (five more have died since the initial reports).  Her trial was moved away… Read More

Pumpkin Pi Uses Clones as Henchmen in Latest Chemical Caper

By Muffy Borgeron The math-themed supervillain with a pumpkin for a head, Pumpkin Pi, robbed the Spade Chemical Plant last night with at least 15 clones as henchmen. Pumpkin Pi, who still claims he isn’t ripping off Sleepy Hollow and is simply the result of a weird pumpkin spice chemical accident, stole several gallons of unnamed chemicals from the Spade Chemical Plant, again.  Usually, he robs places with his Gourd Gang in tow, but Squash,… Read More

Area Woman’s Daughter Is A Triceratops (Yes, Really)

By Chase Chapley Susan Wong thought she had lost her daughter during the Dino-Day Disaster.  She was nine-months pregnant at the time when she was transformed into a Triceratops, and like most of the city, she was confused and anxious, and her hormones didn’t help either.  Then she gave birth.  To an egg. “I was so excited to be a mother and was actually due in a week,” said Wong.  “My husband and I have… Read More

Michelle Meyers Charged with Kidnapping, Conspiracy, False Endangerment

By Falco Rockbert The former Channel 9 News reporter, Michelle Meyers, has been formally charged with kidnapping and 18 counts of both conspiracy and false endangerment Weeks ago, Meyers kidnapped a woman described by the District Attorney, Jonathan Colbert, as “an associate of Adonis.”  Meyers did not harm the woman, but her confrontation with Adonis did lead the NRPD to investigate her other illegal activities.  These consist of paying supervillains to “capture” her so that… Read More