The New Romford Free Press

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‘National’

LA Gridlock: The Amazings End the Gridlock with Pocket Dimension But Can’t Close the Breach

By Buffy Bolivar LOS ANGELES – After what seems like months of strife, the original Amazings have ended the gridlock that turned the Greater Los Angeles area into a dozens of nations. “It was a bit more difficult than I thought,” said Dr. Amazing.  “There were so many vehicles blockading roads and intersections, so we couldn’t just unclog them.  Where would we put the vehicles?  Anywhere we put them would just let the whole thing… Read More

Martin A. Martian Buys Vegas Casino After False Accusations of Cheating

By Buffy Bolivar LAS VEGAS – After an incident last week at the Rio Hotel & Casino that Martian-Americans supposedly cheated at blackjack using their non-existent “Martian powers,” Martin A. Martian, a Martian-American, has bought that casino. After oil companies bought their land in North Dakota, many Martian-Americans came to Las Vegas to celebrate, and they won a lot of money at the blackjack tables at the Rio.  The casino became suspicious and had them… Read More

Condor-Man Comes Back to Life in Record Time

By Packie Williams CHICAGO – Despite an extensive review of his deceased body, Paul Condorman, a.k.a. Condor-Man, has come back to life just ten days after he apparently died, the fastest resurrection ever recorded for a superhero. Condor-Man died while engaged in combat with the supervillain Claymore ten days ago, and a Peace Force doctor examined his body to make sure it was indeed Condor-Man and not a clone, robot, or any number of deceptions. … Read More

Martian-Americans Arrested for “Cheating” in Vegas

By Buffy Bolivar LAS VEGAS – Twelve Martian-Americans were arrested for cheating at several blackjack tables at the Rio Hotel & Casino using “Martian powers,” which they do not possess. After selling their land to oil companies, the Martian-Americans of North Dakota were flush with cash.  Some are traveling the world, some have relocated to Miami and New York, and some have moved to Las Vegas.  Over the past several weeks, they’ve become world-class gamblers. … Read More

‘Reboot Man’ Reboots One Final Time, Flies into the Sun

By Packie Williams CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – Ray Denver, the superhero currently known as Clayman yet more commonly known as Reboot Man, has had yet another reboot.  And then he flew into the sun. Denver had reportedly been living with Professor Carl Poughkeepsie in Charlotte, North Carolina, for the past several months.  Poughkeepsie, a geneticist specializing in sentient rocks, was trying to find a way to revert Denver back to his original human form.  Then,… Read More

LA Gridlock: The Amazings Defeat Monster from the Breach

By Buffy Bolivar LOS ANGELES – The Amazings arrived in Los Angeles this morning and, after closing the failed wormhole in Gardena, began to assess the gridlock before being attacked by monsters from the Breach. Landing their Amazing Plane in the Griffith Observatory, one of the few neutral areas in the Greater Los Angeles Nations, the original Amazings (Dr. Amazing, Snow Woman, Mr. Bigg, and Miss Terror) began to assess the damage caused by the… Read More

LA Gridlock: Kurt Russell Helps People Escape from LA Because Of Course He Does

By Buffy Bolivar LOS ANGELES – Famous Actor, Kurt Russell, has apparently been helping people escape from Los Angeles and the surrounding areas, and yes, he realizes how that sounds. “I can’t believe he’s actually doing this,” said Roger McCormick, who was helped out of the LA Gridlock by Russell.  “I asked him, ‘Seriously?  You’re doing this?’  And he was like, ‘Yeah yeah, I know.  Come on, you want to get out of here, right?’ … Read More