The New Romford Free Press

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‘National’

National News Roundup 11.20.15

By Muffy Borgeron DETROIT, Michigan – At least 300 abandoned homes have now been infested with dark bees, a species of bees from the Anti-Earth Dimension.  They’re slightly larger than normal honeybees, and as their name suggests, they’re darker in color and demeanor.  Their honey is toxic to humans, but some scientists propose it can be refined into a fuel source.  The city has blocked off the now-unabandoned homes for now while they develop a… Read More

LA Gridlock: Cat People vs. Dog People, The Breach, and Where Are the Superheroes?

By Buffy Bolivar LOS ANGELES – While Governor Jerry Brown has called a state of emergency for southern California, the residents of the new Greater Los Angeles Nations have dug in their heels for the long haul. The nations simply called Cat People and Dog People are predictably at war with each other.  Both nations reside in the quadrangle between the 710 & 605 and the 91 & 405, comprising a large portion of the… Read More

Glowing Cocoons Found in Hudson River

By Chase Chapley NEW YORK – Twenty cocoons were found in the bottom of the Hudson River off the coast of Manhattan this morning, and of course they were glowing. A Circle Line captain saw a faint glow in the water and called the police.  The NYPD, along with Titana’s help, fished twenty cocoons out of the river.  Glowing green and then red, the cocoons were each about the size of a car. The cocoons… Read More

National News Roundup

By Stan Hopewell FORT WORTH, Texas – A herd of 50-60 wild Minotaurs stampeded through the Jacksboro Highway yesterday, causing havoc for nearly 10 miles.  It’s not known why the Minotaurs were stampeding.  The 15-foot bull-man-beasts were running at top speed into the city and weren’t speaking in a human language.  Authorities tried to stop them with their guns and a couple National Guard tanks, but nothing was able to stop them.  Dallas-area superhero, Dynamite… Read More

New Nations Form in Los Angeles Gridlock

By Buffy Bolivar LOS ANGELES – The permanent gridlock on the freeways and streets of the greater Los Angeles area has created more than just chaos.  It’s created new nations as well. With vehicles stuck on the freeways or the main roads, people haven’t moved much further than where their vehicles have parked.  Some local residents have offered to house stranded drivers while others have been living in parks, alleys, and whatever buildings in which… Read More

Michigan Trapped in Great Lakes State Monster Debate

By Stan Hopewell LANSING, Michigan – In a bizarre state senate hearing in Michigan’s Capitol Building, three lake monsters of three of the Great Lakes all pleaded their case to be named Michigan’s Official State Lake Monster, a title that does not exist. Mishipeshu, the famed underwater panther of Lake Superior, teleconferenced from his home on Michipicoten Island, which is technically in Canada.  “I call the entire lake my home,” he said, “and I have… Read More

Muskrat and QT(pi)’s Team Up, Somehow, to Stop Giant Teddy Ruxbin

By Buffy Bolivar QUEENS, New York – In one of the strangest, and cutest, team-ups to date, Muskrat and the QTπ’s joined forces to stop a toy monster from rampaging through Queens today. Muskrat, the clawed superhero who specializes in getting dirty, was in Brooklyn today for undisclosed reasons when he heard reports of a monster in Queens.  The QTπ’s, the pre-teen, all-girls superhero team, were at a Mets game in Citi Field when the… Read More