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‘National’

Trump Claims Obama Is From a Parallel Universe

By Falco Rockbert NEW YORK – Not content with seeing President Obama be born in person, business magnate Donald Trump now claims the president is from a parallel universe.  And he is spending millions to prove it. “How many parallel universes are there in the multiverse?” said Trump to the New York Times.  “Infinite, right?  How do we know the president wasn’t switched at birth with an evil version of himself?  Did anyone take pictures… Read More

Twin Cities Continue to Bicker, Rupture Ear Drums

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – The Twin Cities have continued their bickering since they became sentient two days ago.  Crowds are gathering around to see the mouths for themselves, but at their own peril. University of Minnesota scientists and both city police forces have cordoned off several blocks around the mouths, both to monitor their continued bickering and to protect curious residents.  “The decibel levels are typically in the 90s,” said physics Professor John Stockman. … Read More

Donald Trump Claims Obama Is A Clone

By Falco Rockbert NEW YORK – Despite all evidence to the contrary, business magnate Donald Trump claimed today that President Obama was a clone. For months Trump has been questioning the president’s legitimacy as an American citizen.  Last year he sent a team to Hawaii to investigate Obama’s birth certificate, claiming that it was “missing.”  The following week the White House release the president’s long form Certificate of Live Birth from Hawaii, hoping to put… Read More

Dead Rapper Returns As Android

By Packie Williams CHICAGO – Late rapper, Mic-D returned onstage at a concert for long-time collaborator, Gray Matter, in the guise of an android. Gray Matter was performing the song, “Hilltop Love,” when he brought the Mic-D android out on stage.  “Hilltop Love” is one of the many collaborations between the two famed rappers, and up until now, had always been performed by one of Gray Matter’s road MCs or, occasionally, another famous rapper at… Read More

Twin Cities Become Sentient, Bicker

By Skip Daverman MINNEAPOLIS – The Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul were engulfed in a mysterious yellow light earlier today, and as a result, the Twin Cities became sentient and started to bicker. Scientists from the University of Minnesota were baffled as to the origin of the yellow light and about its curious effect.  “This is just crazy,” biology professor, Laura Stern said.  “The cities aren’t living organisms.  They’re inanimate objects, and on… Read More