The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Appottomaxx Sector Declares Itself ‘Earth-Free’

By Karna Firaliz APPOTTOMAXX SECTOR, Milky Way Galaxy – One of the largest sectors in the Milky Way Galaxy has declared itself to be an “Earth-Free Zone,” effective immediately. The Appottomaxx Sector is located in the Perseus Arm and contains over 6,000 star systems and over 1,500 autonomous empires, nations, and polities.  The Perseus Arm is the closest outer arm of the Milky Way to the Cygnus Arm, where Earth resides.  It is also one… Read More

Space News Roundup: Skull Planet, 36-Year Campaign, the Cutest Volcanic Explosion, and Resort Planetoids

PLANET PEACE, f.k.a. SKULL PLANET – The pirates who “overthrew” the planet formerly known as Planet Peace have apparently grown bored of the planet they renamed Skull Planet.  After a two-week occupation, the pirates have left the planet, whatever its name is now.  Ostensibly, control of the planet has returned to the previous inhabitants, but reports show the pirates left the inhabitants worse for wear.  When the pirates were disappointed in the orgies, they ransacked… Read More

Space News Roundup: Energy Blasts, a Multi-Galactic Planet, and Skull Planet

By Karna Firaliz SAGITTARIUS ARM, Milky Way Galaxy – The energy blasts of two god-like beings, Orto and Monku, from 1,000 Earth years ago have finally made their way to the Milky Way Galaxy.  Orto and Monku’s ferocious battle is the stuff of legends, and it cost both beings their lives.  The reasoning for their epic battle is up for debate among historian, politicians, and the religious followings of each warrior, but one thing is… Read More

Space News Roundup 11.6.15

By Karna Firaliz ANNNKN, JNNKO Empire – A space whale got stuck in JNNKO Wormhole 3 (JW3), causing a traffic jam for thousands of light-years.  JW3 connects the home planet of ANNNKN with several outlying systems, and space “whales” (which only resemble Earth whales in appearance) are known to roam throughout several galaxies.  Thousands of space ships run into a herd of them swimming through the cosmos each year, killing hundreds of sentient beings and… Read More

The Telori Go to Gigano to ‘Travel to the Future’

by Karna Firaliz PLANET GIGANO – After the recent discovery of the Crakosi troop that was stuck on Gigano, who emerged recently still believing that Galactic War 4 was still going on, a business venture is now selling the Telori the chance to “travel to the future” by landing on Gigano for a day or more. The increased gravity well of Gigano creates a time dilation that slows down time on the planet’s surface.  The… Read More

Living Planet Gives Birth to Healthy Planetoid

By Karna Firaliz MARP QUADRANT, Andromeda Galaxy – The living planet, Marp, has finally given birth to a healthy planetoid last night after going into labor 21 Earth years ago.  Marp was pregnant for the past 430 Earth years. Marp is a living planet with a healthy ecosystem living on its surface like most life-bearing planets.  But this planet came to be a living creature on its own at least 2 billion Earth years ago… Read More

Crakosi Troop on Planet Gigano Still Believes Galactic War 4 Is Happening

By Karna Firaliz PLANET GIGANO – After crashing on the gigantic planet Gigano in the outer Milky Way over 150 Earth years ago, a troop of Crakosi soldiers blasted off from Gigano and attacked a Telori freight ship, still thinking that Galactic War 4 was happening. For Earthlings unfamiliar with Outer Milky Way history, Galactic War 4 was a conflict between primarily the Crakosi and the Telori that started when a Telori passenger ship was… Read More