The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Japan’s Giant Robots Find Greater Success with Adult Pilots over Teenage Pilots

By Stan Hopewell TOKYO – For years Japan’s Giant Robot Battalion has used teenaged pilots with great success but also with great failure.  After the Metatank incident of 2003, which left 83 dead and billions in property damage, the Japanese government switched over to adult pilots, and the switch has worked better than anticipated. “It’s been remarkable,” said Lead Engineer, Toshi Akiyama.  “Who knew that mature adults would make better giant robot pilots than teenagers?”… Read More

Peace Force Investigate 24 Dead Robots on Asimovia

By Stan Hopewell ASIMOVIA – After humans attacked Asimovia, leaving 24 dead robots, the Peace Force has begun an investigation into the attack.  Japan offered to help, but Asimovia declined. Asimovian officials wouldn’t comment on the investigation, and they’ve only allowed Peace Force members onto their island so long as they are robots or have pro-robot sympathies.  On-again, off-again PF member, Positron, joined the special investigation as he is the most prominent robot in the… Read More

Giant Tails Possibly Emerge with Giant Australian Feet

  By Buffy Bolivar SYDNEY, Australia – The giant feet descending over the Australian Outback have brought other body parts along with them. Today, large gray cones appeared 30 miles behind each pair of feet.  The most likely explanation is that the cones belong to the giant feet, and that they are tails.  This does not bode well, as much as slowly descending gray giants can bode well for anything. “See?” said Professor Stratosphere, who’s… Read More

Report: Werewolves Tried to Form Coalition with Pacifica, Asimovia

By Skip Daverman CLUJ – In a bold move, the Lupine Nation in Transylvania tried, and failed, to form a coalition with the aspiring nations of Pacifica and Asimovia a week ago. The report, published in a Transylvanian newspaper, showed several emails, texts, and phone conversations initiated by the Lupine Nation, which represents the werewolf population in Transylvania.  The conversations were sent out to leaders in the underwater nation of Pacifica, which is working to… Read More

Adonis, Titana Mediate Atlantis-Pacifica Meetings Around Rumors

  By Skip Daverman PANAMA CANAL – Adonis and Titana mediated a meeting between Atlantis and Pacifica today, by request of King Morn, after a rumor emerged that Atlantis staged the Laval attack from last week. During a meeting regarding Pacifica’s quest for independence from Atlantis, a small army of Lavals (lava monsters from underneath the ocean floor) attacked the proceedings.  It’s thought they saw an opportunity to eliminate both the Atlantean and Pacifican leaders… Read More

World News: A Kraken, A Portal, The Bermuda Triangle, and Giant Potatoes

By Falco Rockbert MUMBAI, India – Indian superhero, the Purple Monsoon, stopped Paul Plunder from smuggling billions of dollars worth of ancient artifacts out of the Mumbai docks yesterday night.  Plunder, a British supervillain known for smuggling indigenous treasures, had a cargo ship full of stolen Indian items when the Purple Monsoon swept into the docks with her army of sharks, jellyfish, and whales barricading the ship’s exit.  She used her water powers to flood… Read More

Tibetan Martial Arts Temple Rejects All Westerners Who Think They’re ‘The One’

By Buffy Bolivar HIMALAYAS – Dragon Head, a Tibetan martial arts temple deep in the Himalayas, has formally closed their doors to all Westerners because of how many think they’re “The One.” “We are happy to open our doors to people of all nationalities,” said Crane Fist, the spokesperson for Dragon Head.  “But the sheer number of Westerners—especially white people—who think they’re ‘The One’ has become a problem.  They think they can come here and,… Read More