The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Asimovia Attacked During Night Recharge Cycles, 24 “Dead”

By Stan Hopewell NAGASAKI – The island known as Asimovia was attacked last night while most of its inhabitants were in their recharge cycles.  At least 24 robots were “killed” by a computer virus. The assailants were humans who didn’t carry any electronics with them apart from several flash drives that carried a computer virus.  They reportedly dressed in all black clothes with face masks.  The assailants infiltrated Asimovia, though by what means is still… Read More

Giant Australian Feet Reveal Giant Australian Calves

By Buffy Bolivar SYDNEY, Australia – The two pair of giant gray feet hovering over the Australian Outback have been slowly descending from their portals for the past week, and so far, they’ve only descended enough to show their calves. Information about where the feet came from or, more importantly, why they appeared above Australia is hard to come by.  Energy signatures from the portals share a common signature from the Carsi Nebula from the… Read More

Montezuma Breaks Nilrem Out of ‘Magic Jail’

By Skip Daverman K’MANI REALM – Montezuma broke the mad magician, Nilrem, out of “magic jail,” as the K’Mani Realm is more commonly known, using his winged serpent, Quetzalcoatl. Experts have theorized that Montezuma has come back to life due to some sort of magic, if indeed it is the Montezuma of the Aztecs who died during the Spanish invasion into Mexico in 1520 and not a clone or robot.  The source of this magic… Read More

Turns Out, Maze Island Was Full of Death Traps

By Falco Rockbert MAZE ISLAND, Caribbean Sea – Maximillian Mazerly, a.k.a. Maze Man, was arrested today after his island resort, Maze Island, was full of death traps despite his many assurances that it wasn’t. El Toro apparently visited Maze Island undercover as a civilian on numerous occasions over the past few weeks, unconvinced that the supervillain had truly reformed.  Prior to the resort’s opening, he inspected all 12 of the island’s mazes, including the hotel,… Read More

Legion of Adonis Returns to Defeat Dragons in England

By Stan Hopewell LONDON – The Legion of Adonis returned to our universe last night to battle dragons which had invaded our dimension for unknown reasons. Twenty-three Adonises from parallel universes and our very own Adonis joined battle for the first time in eight years.  The Adonis from Earth-477, a magic user, was apparently beating back an army of dragons in his dimension when they grabbed one of his magic staffs.  Then, they started hopping… Read More

Giant Feet Descend Over Australia

By Buffy Bolivar SYDNEY, Australia – In one of the more bizarre events in a world full of bizarre events, two pairs of giant feet have begun to descend from the sky over the Australian Outback. The giant feet are human-looking but gray in color.  Estimates put them in the range of 5-10 miles in length and 10-20 miles above the ground, but officials have set up a perimeter around the feet, so more accurate… Read More

Reformed Villain, Maze Man, Opens Island Resort, Promises It’s Not a Trap

By Falco Rockbert MAZE ISLAND, Caribbean Sea – Reformed supervillain, Maze Man, a.k.a. Maximillian Mazerly, has been cleaning up his act for the past 15 years.  He’s designed mazes for over 30 theme parks around the world, and despite a track record of putting death traps in his mazes, not a single person has been harmed by these new mazes. Now, Mazerly has opened his own island resort, Maze Island, and he promises it’s not… Read More