The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Michelle Meyers Involved in Kidnapping, Setting Up Fake Crimes

By Falco Rockbert In a bizarre series of revelations last night, Channel 9 News reporter Michelle Meyers was arrested for kidnapping and setting up fake crimes so she could be rescued by Adonis. Meyers has been saved a record number 30 times by Adonis, but that number will surely go down.  Last night, Meyers allegedly kidnapped a woman, whose identity will not be released by the NRPD due to her supposed ties to Adonis.  State… Read More

Wheel of Fortune Puzzle Writer Becomes Monster Trying to Combat ‘Writer’s Block’

By Skip Daverman SAN DIEGO – One of the puzzle writers for Wheel of Fortune was arrested after rampaging across Downtown San Diego due to a negative reaction to illegal superpower drugs. Bill Sloan, 56, has been writing puzzles for Wheel of Fortune for 23 years and became Head Puzzle Writer in 1999.  He’s considered a legend in the game show circuits for his mastery of televised word puzzles, balancing the right combination of consonants… Read More

Memorial and Final Funerals

By Buffy Bolivar President Obama, Mayor Lawrence, Adonis, and several community leaders helmed the memorial service for the victims of the Dino-Day Disaster after the final funeral service. The death total reached 92 last week, and all missing citizens have been found.  The final funeral service was held this morning for Gabby Martinez, 32, who died in a collapsed building in Frankton. The memorial service was held at Two Rivers Park, near the World War… Read More

Speedster Helps with Recovery, Wrecks More Things than Repairs

By Buffy Bolivar While intending to be helpful as always, Speedster ended up making things worse today when she “helped” with the recovery after the Dino-Day Disaster. The majority of the Peace Force was working with the New Romford rescue crews to remove debris from fallen buildings and to find missing people, the typical superhero work.  Speedster was on hand as well today, and her super-speed began tearing up the Industrial and University Districts.  “I… Read More

Rescue Marks Meyers’s 30th Adonis Save

By Falco Rockbert Yet again, Michelle Meyers was rescued by Adonis last night, marking her 30th save by New Romford’s Favorite Son.  It ties the record for most saves of one person by one superhero. Meyers, formerly of the New Romford Sentinel, now with Channel 9 News, didn’t have much to say about tying the record.  She was held hostage by the Master of Disaster and his henchmen, again, at the Grainger Aerospace Research Facility… Read More

Dinosaur Queen Captured by Adonis

By Chase Chapley The NRPD has confirmed that Adonis has captured the Dinosaur Queen in Parkhill, putting an end to the “Dino-Day” nightmare. I’m receiving word, and slowly video, that the Dinosaur Queen and Adonis were fighting mid-air.  She blasted Adonis down into the ground, crash landing somewhere in Parkhill.  When she gloated, as she is prone to do, he threw a car at her, as he is prone to do.  A few quick punches… Read More

‘We Will Stop Her’

By Chase Chapley The Peace Force has finally released a statement on the “Dino-Day” incident.  It reads as follows: The Peace Force, while affected by the Dinosaur Queen’s magic, is working on how to best stop her evil plot.  Many of our members have either grown too small or too large to use their powers effectively without causing more harm than good.  Our greatest minds are formulating a way to both stop the Dinosaur Queen… Read More