The New Romford Free Press

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Ask Julia’

Ask Julia: How Does Magic Work?

By Julia Crumpleman Hello, fellow New Romforders!  Today’s question comes from Bobby from way out in Carterson. How does magic work?  We all turned to barbarians.  I don’t know what that means, but my dad said it’s like Lord of the Rings, and I don’t really know what that is ether [sic].  What is Lord of the Rings? Well, Bobby, you got two questions in at once!  Normally, I don’t allow it, but I think… Read More

Ask Julia: I Have an Alien Girlfriend, I Think

By Julia Crumpleman Greetings, Earthlings!  Today’s question comes from “Jacob” from “an undisclosed location”. Okay, so I started dating my girlfriend about three months ago, and so far, everything’s been great.  But lately, she’s been sneaking out at night when we’re together, and she comes back covered in dirt, jittery, and her eyes are completely black with some weird symbol in them.  I’ve finally confronted her about this a couple nights ago, and she confessed… Read More

Ask Julia: Why Don’t Superpeople Proclaim Themselves Anymore?

By Julia Crumpleman Behold!  I am your intrepid question-answerer, the Wise and Wonderful Julia Crumpleman!  Fellow inquisitive citizens submit their curious queries to me, and I seek out the rightful and true answers in this colossal column called Ask Julia!  Today’s question comes a truth seeker named Karla from Bradenton: Hey, Julia.  So my Dad and I were talking about superpeople back in his day (the 50s and 60s), and he remembers superpeople (both heroes… Read More

Ask Julia: Why Doesn’t Earth Have Universal Translators?

By Julia Crumpleman Greetings once again, fellow New Romforders!  Today’s question comes from Omoye in Cloonyn. Hi, whenever aliens come to Earth, they’re always wearing universal translators.  They’re able to speak to us in our language, and the humans with them wear those things, too.  They seem really useful for aliens, but why don’t we have those on Earth?  They’d be a lot of help! Omoye, you’re onto something here!  Just speaking for myself, I’d… Read More

Ask Julia: Why Don’t Historians Use Time Machines?

  By Julia Crumpleman Greetings, fellow history buffs!  Today’s question comes from Julia (hey, nice name!) from Frenchtown. So, I keep seeing all these superpeople go back in time for God knows what, and it got me thinking.  Why don’t we use time machines to learn about history?  I’m sure historians and archaeologists would like to know what happened in the past. Julia, that is a fantastic question!  It’s one I’ve often wondered about from… Read More

Ask Julia: Do Other Planets Have Superheroes?

By Julia Crumpleman Greetings, fellow humans!  Today’s question is an interstellar one from Pablo in North Hills: I was wondering if superheroes were just an Earth thing, or if other planets had them as well? Well, Pablo, you’re in luck!  The New Romford Free Press recently hired a space correspondent from a far-off planet, Karna Firaliz.  I sent your question off to him, and a few weeks later, I was able to get a response. … Read More

Ask Julia: What About ‘The Gator’?

By Julia Crumpleman With New Romford still recuperating from the Dino-Day Disaster, I debated when I’d return to doing this column.  After all, there are much more pressing things to do, but that hasn’t stopped readers from sending me questions.  For any questions regarding the clean-up and recovery effort, please contact your local authorities and crisis management office.  They will be able to help you. Then it occurred to me that if I could provide… Read More