The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.

ATOM Labs’

Lightning Bug Equipment Malfunction Caused Explosion

By Chase Chapley New details have emerged from the Lightning Bug’s capture last week.  Horace Wagner, a.k.a. the Lightning Bug, had acquired some new equipment while staying at the Verzatt Estates.  This new equipment apparently malfunctioned and caused the explosion. Wagner had set up an alias in New Romford several months ago, presumably to make connections with new partners.  Sources within the NRPD are not commenting on exactly who he was meeting with, but given… Read More

Donald Trump Claims Obama Is A Clone

By Falco Rockbert NEW YORK – Despite all evidence to the contrary, business magnate Donald Trump claimed today that President Obama was a clone. For months Trump has been questioning the president’s legitimacy as an American citizen.  Last year he sent a team to Hawaii to investigate Obama’s birth certificate, claiming that it was “missing.”  The following week the White House release the president’s long form Certificate of Live Birth from Hawaii, hoping to put… Read More

Speedster Captures Lightning Bug

By Chase Chapley Speedster tore through East Town today in pursuit of Lightning Bug, who is one of Speedster’s supervillains from New York.  He is suspected of causing the explosion at the Verzatt Apartments yesterday. The chase went up Main Street and veered off into the winding streets of East Town before culminating on the Milton Street exit on I-188.  It was a mixture of lightning, mutated insects, and super speed which ended in a… Read More

Birther Denies Own Birth, Ceases to Exist

By Falco Rockbert Leeds resident, John Mahoney, 43, who denied that President Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, began to question his own birth and thought himself out of existence. John had been questioning Obama’s birthplace for years now, according to friends and family, despite evidence that confirmed Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.  “He just wouldn’t listen,” said Mary Mahoney, his visibly distraught wife.  “It was ridiculous, of course, but John’s a stubborn man. … Read More

Adonis Saves Michelle Meyers From the Master of Disaster…Again

By Falco Rockbert Intrepid reporter, Michelle Meyers, was saved, yet again, from the Master of Disaster while investigating a story in the Warehouse District.  This was the third time Meyers has been saved by Adonis this month. The Master of Disaster was purportedly stealing ATOM Lab technology when he and his crew spotted Meyers snooping around the area.  She was captured by the MoD and tied up over a trash compactor, seemingly about to fall… Read More

Man Doesn’t Gain Superpowers After Fall into Vat of Chemicals

By Muffy Borgeron It was a strange day at ATOM Labs when maintenance worker, Gil Heredia, fell into a vat of chemicals but did not gain superpowers. Heredia, 54, was making his normal rounds of the day when he entered one of the many chemical storage rooms.  A longtime ATOM Labs employee, he is usually careful, said his manager Lauren Paladio, but accidents happen.  “Gil was mopping up the walkway that goes over the vats… Read More