The New Romford Free Press

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time travel’

’97 Tiger Woods Stuck Here Due to What Present Tiger Did at Augusta National

By Dash Hamley NEW YORK – Apparently, the ’97 Tiger Woods is stuck here in the present because of the message Present Tiger snuck to him at Augusta National. A couple weeks ago, the “Tiger vs. Tiger” match got underway at the famous Augusta National golf course, and the widely advertised event drew in millions of views and billions of dollars.  The match was set up to prevent each Tiger from meeting each other.  As… Read More

’97 Tiger Is Stuck in the Present Now

By Dash Hamley NEW YORK – It looks like the ’97 Tiger Woods, who was brought to the present through a time machine and dubious reasons, will be sticking around the present for a while. After the disastrous end to the “Tiger vs. Tiger” match, the PGA, under supervision of Dr. Amazing and 24 federal agents, was set to send ’97 Tiger back to his time.  Dr. Amazing had brought his time portal to the… Read More

Past-Present Tiger Woods Golf Match Set Despite Warnings from Scientists

By Dash Hamley NEW YORK – Despite warnings from scientists that a time anomaly might occur, the PGA has set a one-on-one golf match between the two Tiger Woods. The match is set for one week from today at Augusta National Golf Course, home of the Masters Tournament, the most prestigious major tournament in golf and site of Woods’s first major win in 1997.  Tickets have already been sold out to the match, and ABC… Read More

Minor Supervillain Arrested for Bringing ’97 Tiger Woods to Present

By Dash Hamley NEW YORK – Minor supervillain, The Disrupter, was arrested in his Bronx apartment on charges of using a time machine to bring the Tiger Woods from 1997 to the present, according to authorities. Clancy McCarver was a minor supervillain known as The Disrupter in the early 90s before retiring in 2000.  He has been arrested on several occasions for burglary, robbery, grand theft auto, flying with an unauthorized jetpack, and illegal laser… Read More

PGA Introduce ’97 Tiger Woods to Present Timeline

By Dash Hamley NEW YORK – In a surprising move that will surely test numerous laws, the PGA has introduced Tiger Woods from 1997 to the present timeline. PGA CEO, Tim Finchem, introduced the younger Woods at a press conference in New York.  This Woods has just won the 1997 Masters Tournament, and he was somehow brought from the past to the present.  Finchem offered the briefest of explanations for this. “A third party,” he… Read More

Ask Julia: Why Don’t Historians Use Time Machines?

  By Julia Crumpleman Greetings, fellow history buffs!  Today’s question comes from Julia (hey, nice name!) from Frenchtown. So, I keep seeing all these superpeople go back in time for God knows what, and it got me thinking.  Why don’t we use time machines to learn about history?  I’m sure historians and archaeologists would like to know what happened in the past. Julia, that is a fantastic question!  It’s one I’ve often wondered about from… Read More

FutureKin Wants to Send Your Child to the Future to Age Them Faster

By Julia Crumpelman Do you know Karen Skyrunner, the British superhero who saved Europe from a Celtic zombie army last year?  Do you know Ferris, the metallic Chicago-based superhero who stopped the Great Lakes from being turned to green sludge from a swamp monster?  How about Joey Radstone, the former Quinton School student who wanders the globe searching for the most “rad stones”?  They all have one thing in common. They were all born within… Read More