The New Romford Free Press

Category: Local

  • Temporary Shelter Locations

    Temporary Shelter Locations

    By Chase Chapley

    Mayor Lawrence has announced several major locations for temporary shelter locations for tonight, and possibly longer if need be.

    “First and foremost, don’t enter your home if it isn’t safe,” he said.  “We just survived a nightmare, and we don’t want any further nightmares just because we think we’re safe now.  If you’re not confident in your home’s structural integrity, we will be setting up temporary shelters in parks, schools, stadiums, and arena.  Please remain calm as we work to give everyone some place safe to sleep tonight.”

    (more…)

  • Dinosaur Queen Captured by Adonis

    Dinosaur Queen Captured by Adonis

    By Chase Chapley

    The NRPD has confirmed that Adonis has captured the Dinosaur Queen in Parkhill, putting an end to the “Dino-Day” nightmare.

    I’m receiving word, and slowly video, that the Dinosaur Queen and Adonis were fighting mid-air.  She blasted Adonis down into the ground, crash landing somewhere in Parkhill.  When she gloated, as she is prone to do, he threw a car at her, as he is prone to do.  A few quick punches here and there, and the Dinosaur Queen was defeated.

    News spread downtown, and everyone within five blocks loudly cheered the victory.  My colleagues hugged each other and then myself.  We New Romforders are a resilient bunch, but something about being transformed into a dinosaur and almost lose our humanity really did a number on us.

    Charlene, if you’re reading this, I’ll see you when I get home.

  • Peace Force, Army Rounding Up Dino Army

    Peace Force, Army Rounding Up Dino Army

    By Chase Chapley

    The Peace Force seems to be at full force now as they, and the U.S. Army, are rounding up the Dino Army.  As predicted, the battle is one-sided.  The Dino Army is simply no match for superheroes and long range weapons.

    My colleagues and I borrowed some clothes from a store (which we’ll reimburse them for) and followed the sound of tanks and smell of laser beams down 21st St.  A T-Rex went flying past us at 18th Ave.  It was unconscious when it finally hit the ground, and then we heard the familiar blows and grunts of Titana punching another T-Rex in its face and knew how the first dinosaur became airborne.

    People were reveling in Titana punching a T-Rex in the face.  They were cheering with every blow, and my colleagues were joining in on the chants of TI-TAN-A, TI-TAN-A.  Finally, things were returning to normal.

    Titana was joined by Crater and Qu8N-J in physically rounding members of the Dino Army in an invisible force field.  They tossed or levitated roughly a dozen of them into what I can only describe as an invisible sack.  Then they flew away to more cheers and applause.

  • BREAKING: Dinosaur Queen Escapes Grainger Tower

    BREAKING: Dinosaur Queen Escapes Grainger Tower

    By Chase Chapley

    The Dinosaur Queen has escaped Grainger Tower, riding her rocket-powered Allosaurus.  She was headed southwest, and Adonis is in pursuit.

    I’m only hearing second-hand accounts, but I can see a visible smoke trail coming out of the top of Grainger Tower, which turned back to its normal architecture once Dinosaur Queen left.  She must be desperate now.  She has clearly lost.

    Her troops on the ground have panicked, and the pterodactyls tried in vain to catch up with her.  They will probably still fight back, so stay away until the U.S. Army and Peace Force subdue them.

    More to come…

  • BREAKING: Blue Light Gone

    BREAKING: Blue Light Gone

    By Chase Chapley

    BREAKING NEWS:  the blue light emanating from Grainger Tower has disappeared.

    I’m also getting word that the U.S. Army and Navy are moving into New Romford and Winston Bay.  Their first objective is presumably to end the Dinosaur Queen’s incursion, and then assist anyone they can.  Considering the weaponry of the Dino Army, which consists of mostly spears and being large ferocious dinosaurs, the battle shouldn’t last long.

    More to come…

  • Dino Army Still On Ground and In Air

    Dino Army Still On Ground and In Air

    By Chase Chapley

    The Dino Army is still on the ground and in the air.  They are just as confused as to why we’ve reverted to our human bodies, but they are still here.  The blue light is still emanating from Grainger Tower, so presumably, the force field is still up.

    Do not engage the Dino Army.  We could not take them on while in dinosaur form, so there’s no way to confront them now.  Stay calm and don’t make any sudden movements.  Hide if you can.

    More to come…

  • HUMAN AGAIN!

    HUMAN AGAIN!

    By Chase Chapley

    Finally, we are back to human!

    I cannot express the joy and excitement me and my colleagues are experiencing right now.  Moments before the change back, I could feel my humanity slipping away from me.  My colleagues felt it, too.  It appeared that the Dino-Ray changed us all physically first and was slowly trying to change us psychologically.  Whether or not that was the Dinosaur Queen’s intent remains to be seen, but regardless, we were all ready to fight, claw, and bite one another.

    My last few moments of dinosaurdom are a blurry mess.  It still feels like a dream.  It’s like we all had a collective nightmare where we all were naked at high school.

    Except that now, we’re all naked in the streets, and this isn’t a dream.  Now reality is starting to set in, and people are desperately trying to cover themselves up and to get out of compromising positions.  Unfortunately, seeing my colleagues back in the office is going to be awkward.

    We’re all a little disoriented.  More to come in a moment.