Tag: ATOM Labs

  • ATOM Labs Scientists Get Stuck in New Adhesive

    ATOM Labs Scientists Get Stuck in New Adhesive

    By Muffy Borgeron

    It was the stickiest of sticky situations at ATOM Labs last night, and that can be scientifically proven, too.

    A team of three scientists, Carl Michaelson, Denise Detroit, and Margo Doll, have been developing a new adhesive for the past five years using recently discovered compounds from outer space.  Yesterday, they tested a new batch of their adhesive with the hope of using it in building materials to prevent damage from storms and supervillains.  After a few successful small scale tests, they tried a large scale test of pasting two steel girders together.

    “And it worked,” said project supervisor, Daryl Freeman.  “Those girders held together all right.  They were just glued together.  No bolts or anything.  Unfortunately, the adhesive worked too well.”

    The mechanical arms used during the stress test broke, swinging the steel girders over the heads of the three scientists.  The girder broke open the remaining vat of adhesive, spraying it all over the room.  Michaelson, Detroit, and Doll were caught in the spray, and they were glued to the control panel.  The adhesive hardened within seconds.

    “Thankfully, they were all safe,” said Freeman.  “Dr. Detroit is in an awkward position, but Drs. Michaelson and Doll are up against their backs.  Got to be thankful for small miracles, I suppose.  The glue could’ve gotten over their faces.”

    ATOM Labs crew members tried their best to crack apart the harden glue, but nothing worked.  Then, they brought in lasers, atom smashers, and even acid to try and break through, but again, nothing worked.  After six hours of attempts, Freeman called it a night and ordered food for the scientists.  Their families were allowed to spend the night in the lab.

    “All in all, they’re in good spirits,” said Freemen, who declined media requests to interview the scientists.  “Could be worse.  But maybe we can get Dr. Amazing or Adonis in here to see what they can do.”

  • Dr. Amazing Fertilizes Future Farm with Dino Dung

    Dr. Amazing Fertilizes Future Farm with Dino Dung

    By Packie Williams

    fftowerweb
    File photo

    One of the biggest, and stinkiest, problems in the wake of the Dino-Day Disaster was what to do with all the dinosaur dung that was left behind.  Dr. Amazing has volunteered to use it as fertilizer.

    “Dung is nature’s natural fertilizer,” he said.  “It’s full of nutrients that plants need in order to grow, and with so much of it around, it just makes sense to use it in the Future Farm.”

    Dr. Amazing and robots from ATOM Labs have been scooping up as much of the dino dung as they could and hauling back to ATOM Labs for study.  First, they wanted to have samples available for paleontologists to study and also to see if there were any remnants of the Dinosaur Queen’s magic left over.  “The last thing we wanted,” said Dr. Amazing, “was for whatever magical particles that turned us into dinosaurs to be left in the dung, and if it were to fertilize crops, we had to make sure nothing evil got transferred to the food, which might turn people back into dinosaurs if they ate a tomato for instance.”

    “Luckily, the occult section of ATOM Labs has given us the all clear,” said Dr. Amazing.  “I don’t put much stock into magic personally, but it happens, so we have to be careful.”

    Dr. Amazing hopes that the dino dung will naturally speed up the growth of his crops.  “No one wants artificial chemicals put into their food,” he said.  “So we’re going to use the next best thing.  Which is dinosaur dung.”

    Dr. Amazing’s wife, Snow Woman, did not comment.

  • Transforming into Dinosaur Did Not Help ‘Normal Man’

    Transforming into Dinosaur Did Not Help ‘Normal Man’

    gilBy Muffy Borgeron

    Gil Heredia, the ATOM Labs maintenance worker who fell into a vat of chemicals several weeks ago, is still in critical condition, and transforming into a dinosaur didn’t help his recovery.

    When the Dino-Day Disaster happened, Heredia, who has been on life support at ATOM Labs, was changed into a Deinonychus.  The scientists monitoring him did not notice any change in his vital signs or any new superpowers.  “We thought, ‘Oh, this is going to trigger something finally,’” said lead biologist Carlos Montero.  “We thought that he was going to get dinosaur powers or at least stay transformed as a dinosaur.  Finally, he’d be on the upswing.  But nothing.”

    “It’s like he doesn’t want superpowers.”

    After the Dino-Ray was shut down, Heredia, along with everyone else at ATOM Labs, turned back to human.  Heredia’s injuries had remained during his transformation, and briefly becoming a dinosaur didn’t seem to accelerate his healing ability either.  “It was just the same old, same old,” said Montero.  “If anything, being turned into a dinosaur only made things worse.  Poor guy.”

    Heredia’s family, who have asked for privacy throughout the matter, have seemed more distraught than normal.  With his recent downturn, those closest to the family get the sense that Heredia may pass away soon, unless of course he develops superpowers, but that seems unlikely.

  • ALERT:  Cosmic Ray Warning for Next Tuesday

    ALERT: Cosmic Ray Warning for Next Tuesday

    By Chase Chapley

    ATOM Labs has issued a Cosmic Ray Warning for next Tuesday, starting at 5:00 AM EST and lasting until at least early Wednesday morning.  The affected area ranges from Hartford, CT to Raleigh, NC, and from Erie, PA, to roughly 200 miles east of Long Island.  Residents are advised to wear the most current editions of lead-lined vests and helmets or, if they do not have any vests or helmets, to spend the day in a bomb shelter.

    The source of the cosmic rays hurtling towards Earth is still unknown.  ATOM Labs is still studying the nature of the radiation.  According to the statement released with the warning, this could be volcanic fumes from a toxic planet that just erupted, or it could be the lost energy from alien warships fired from their plasma rifles, or it could be some unknown cosmic force that’s searching for a new host.  No matter what it is, they will monitor it and provide any relevant updates as necessary.

    The cosmic rays are expected to vary in intensity within the warning zone.  Some areas will be hit harder than others, and the effects of the radiation are also unknown.  Some mutations are to be expected, and perhaps someone will gain superpowers, but ATOM Labs advises people not to try this.  President Obama has issued a preemptive state of emergency for all states within the warning zone and is currently working with each governor to prepare for any problems.

    More information will be made available as the cosmic rays get closer to Earth.

  • ‘Normal Man’ Still Recovering From Chemical Bath

    ‘Normal Man’ Still Recovering From Chemical Bath

    By Muffy Borgeron

    gilGil Heredia, the ATOM Labs maintenance worker who fell into a vat of chemicals a couple weeks ago, is still recovering from his burns and, strangely, still hasn’t gained superpowers.

    “Gil’s still in a medically-induced coma,” said ATOM Labs scientist, Carlos Montero, “and we’re doing our best to heal his burns, but now he has internal damage to his organs.  That chemical vat was a toxic brew, and frankly, everyone here is just surprised he hasn’t grown fur or bat wings.”

    “At the very least, he should’ve grown a third eye by now.”

    Heredia’s family is remaining quiet as they hope he recovers from his wounds.  Matt Laredo, the family spokesman, has requested privacy through this trying time.  “The Heredias understand the intrigue surrounding their husband and father of two.  Right now, the family asks for your prayers and hopes everyone can learn a valuable lesson that chemicals are not a reliable source of superpowers.”

    Indeed, the city seems to be rocked by the news of Heredia’s fate.  Sales of gas masks and hazmat suits have tripled in the past weeks, and traffic around ATOM Labs and other chemical plants has dipped substantially.  “It’s like people just realized this stuff was dangerous,” said Heredia’s manager, Lauren Paladio.  “I wouldn’t say people were jumping into chemicals before this, but I think people were less cautious because they thought, ‘Hey, if I get sprayed by chemicals from a truck accident, then at least I’ll get something cool out of it.’  Poor Gil, he’s just a normal man.  Hopefully, this will be a teachable moment for people.”

    “Even still, maybe he’ll wake up and have telekinesis or something.”

  • NRPD:  Hellena Tried to Restore Her Timeline

    NRPD: Hellena Tried to Restore Her Timeline

    By Packie Williams

    hellenamugshotwebThe NRPD have determined that Hellena stole an undisclosed item from ATOM Labs yesterday with the purpose of restoring her timeline.  And she likely caused the déjà vu that many people felt as well.

    Hellena is the evil alternate timeline version of superhero Titana, who was brought to our timeline during one of Titana’s adventures.  The circumstances of that adventure have never been fully disclosed to the public.  But Hellena, who sacrificed herself to Hades to save the Amazons from Napoleon and turned evil as a result, has been a fixture in our timeline for the past eight years nonetheless.

    The item stolen from ATOM Labs may’ve been activated inside the labs by Hellena or one of her associates, who were seen but not apprehended.  A source within the NRPD has indicated that the déjà vu experienced around the world was likely caused by Hellena trying to restore her timeline in the past.  So far all indications are preliminary, but given Hellena’s continued quest to return to her timeline, it’s a safe bet she was behind it.

    No one at ATOM Labs is confirming the suspicions, and Dr. Amazing, a co-founder of ATOM Labs, has not spoken since the incident.  Hellena is currently being held in Granite Prison in a depowering room.

  • Titana Defeats Hellena at Bayland

    Titana Defeats Hellena at Bayland

    titanahellenafightwebBy Packie Williams

    Supervillain Hellena was back in New Romford today, jumping several miles in just a few jumps before being defeated by Titana at Bayland Amusement Park.

    Hellena, an alternate timeline version of the superhero Titana, had apparently stolen something from ATOM Labs this morning.  NRPD and ATOM Labs are keeping quiet as to what the item was, but it was small enough to be carried by hand in a metal container.  After stealing the item, Hellena proceeded to jump several stories into the air (as she cannot fly) towards downtown.  She landed first just outside of PFHQ and then in the middle of the New Avenue and 4th Avenue intersection, causing pile-ups in the dozens in every direction.  Titana flew in from the north and knocked her alternate self into the Bayland Amusement Park.

    Witnesses reported that the two Amazonian princesses talked for several minutes before they fought.  They destroyed several small game stands and the carousel before ending up on the Ferris Wheel.

    Hellena’s fighting style was erratic and very limber, according to Diana Price.  “She was doing all these weird backflips and contortions.  She must have a super spine to do this stuff.  And then her breasts flopped out of her costume.”

    “I don’t know what world she came from, but superwomen need to support their girls like everyone else.”

    Despite her wardrobe malfunction, Hellena proved formidable for several minutes until Titana threw baseballs from a bottle-knock-down game at her.  Eventually, she went down with a fastball to the face.

    Titana waited for the NRPD to arrive and arrest Hellena.  She spoke with an office and flew away with the container in hand.

    Bayland Amusement Park closed for the rest of the day and indefinitely until repairs can be made.