The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Planet Peace

  • Space News Roundup: Skull Planet, 36-Year Campaign, the Cutest Volcanic Explosion, and Resort Planetoids

    Space News Roundup: Skull Planet, 36-Year Campaign, the Cutest Volcanic Explosion, and Resort Planetoids

    spacenews

    PLANET PEACE, f.k.a. SKULL PLANET – The pirates who “overthrew” the planet formerly known as Planet Peace have apparently grown bored of the planet they renamed Skull Planet.  After a two-week occupation, the pirates have left the planet, whatever its name is now.  Ostensibly, control of the planet has returned to the previous inhabitants, but reports show the pirates left the inhabitants worse for wear.  When the pirates were disappointed in the orgies, they ransacked much of the planet, stole as many valuables as they could find, which turned out to be rocks and blankets, and consumed all of their drugs.  And they punched the inhabitants for fun.  When they became bored with the punching, they left on their own accord.  The inhabitants have asked for food, medicine, and any recreational drugs neighboring planets can spare.

    URT  – The planet Urt has finally decided on when to hold their election for Leader of the Planet.  The 18 candidates have been campaigning for the past 36 Earth years, and frankly, everyone is exhausted.  Elections for Leader of the Planet usually happen on a regular interval, once every 4 Urt years (6 Earth years).  But somehow Urt stopped revolving around its sun, so the Urt year never advanced.  How the planet got stuck is unknown.  The scientists’ best guess in an anomaly in the fabric of spacetime, and they’re still trying to get it moving again.  While the seasons have all but stopped, Urt has found ways to survive, but they still don’t know whether or not to advance their calendars, which has led to the 36 year campaign season.  Finally, after much bureaucratic debate, the government has determined a date to hold the election (50 Urt days from now).  As expected, the primary campaign issue has been getting the planet moving again.

    MARPIE – Marpie, the planetoid that was birthed by Marp, had its first volcanic eruption last week, and it was just the cutest volcanic eruption in the galaxy, according to witnesses.

    CARRIAN RESORT PLANETOIDS – The construction project of customized, luxury planetoids known as the Carrian Resorts suffered a setback recently when two asteroids exploded apart when they were being fused together.  The two asteroids apparently had pockets of water and methane that the construction crews of Omin Ookeil Harpin Nlokmo Ordingists (OOHNO) had not detected, and when they attempted to fuse them together, they created a massive explosion.  Rocks flew everywhere, destroying several planetoids in construction and damaging several more in a violent chain reaction.  No one was seriously harmed in the accident, according to the OOHNO, but now asteroids are flying all over the galaxy.  OOHNO lawyers said that they would not be liable for damages as the accident occurred in intergalactic space, and thus are not subject to planetary laws.

  • Space News Roundup: Energy Blasts, a Multi-Galactic Planet, and Skull Planet

    Space News Roundup: Energy Blasts, a Multi-Galactic Planet, and Skull Planet

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    By Karna Firaliz

    SAGITTARIUS ARM, Milky Way Galaxy – The energy blasts of two god-like beings, Orto and Monku, from 1,000 Earth years ago have finally made their way to the Milky Way Galaxy.  Orto and Monku’s ferocious battle is the stuff of legends, and it cost both beings their lives.  The reasoning for their epic battle is up for debate among historian, politicians, and the religious followings of each warrior, but one thing is known.  Their energy blasts were so enormous and powerful that they’ve been traveling the universe, passing through galaxy after galaxy for over 1,000 Earth years, destroying everything in their path.  Now, they’re headed for the Sagittarius Arm of the Milky Way in the next two Earth weeks, but as they’ve dissipated significantly over the past millennium, their strength isn’t expected to destroy any planets.  Planets with proper shielding will survive with minimal disruption while everything else can expect mild destruction.

    PLANET ARTHI, Pegasus Galaxy & Andromeda Galaxy – In a strange case of spacetime entanglement, the single planet of Arthi is currently residing in both the Pegasus and Andromeda Galaxy simultaneously.  Normally a resident of the Pegasus Galaxy, Arthi got sucked into a rift in spacetime, similar to a wormhole, and now half of the planet is residing in the Andromeda Galaxy.  Thankfully, that new location was already empty and rotating a star, but its location in the Andromeda is nearly 10 million Earth miles farther away from its star in the Pegasus Galaxy.  Arthians have migrated to the Pegasus side for warmth and have asked for help from neighboring planets as all their most advanced technology is currently stuck on the Andromeda side, freezing over.

    SKULL PLANET, formerly Planet Peace – An army of just 500 pirates overthrew the loose collection of “governments” of what used to be known as Planet Peace.  The inhabitants colonized the planet in the Pegasus Galaxy some 2,000 Earth years ago, and with the express purpose of being a peaceful, non-warring society.  Planet Peace attracted pacifists from all over the galaxy, and each group of settlers formed “governments,” which were little more than committees that planned parties, meditation séances, and the occasional orgy.  Money was outlawed, and the inhabitants relied on a barter system.  With no economy to speak of, Planet Peace was at peace for its entire existence, until last week when the pirates invaded.  They overthrew the “governments” in two Earth days.  The pirates’ stated they came to the planet for the orgies, but seeing as the next orgy wasn’t scheduled for another month, they became angry and started a fight.  Since Planet Peace had no military, the pirates ended up overthrowing the planet by accident.  The inhabitants willingly submitted to their new overlords, but the pirates just asked them to schedule an orgy for the following week.  They renamed the planet Skull Planet because it sounded cooler.