The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Quinton School

  • Quinton School Explodes Again, This Time Not by Supervillain

    Quinton School Explodes Again, This Time Not by Supervillain

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    by Buffy Borgeron

    CARTERSON — The Quinton School for Young Superheroes exploded yet again this morning, this time by one of its students.  No one was seriously injured.

    Marking the school’s 36th explosion in its 50-year long history, today’s blast was from a student’s lab experiment that went awry.  The student, whose name is being withheld by the school, was testing the limits of Professor Stratosphere’s nanites.  These are the same nanites that ran out of control a few months ago.  The Professor was supervising the experiment but was not in the room at the time of the explosion.

    “It’s my fault, really,” said Professor Stratosphere.  “My head globe was starting to crack, and I had to step out to get a new one.  I should’ve replaced it before we began the experiment so that I could’ve been there to watch the experiment more closely.”

    “That said, we found the point at which these little buggers overload.  So that’s a plus.”

    The Professor wouldn’t comment any further on the nature of the experiment, but the overloaded nanites created a series of sparks that reacted with some gases nearby, which started a chain reaction.  Eventually, the explosion took out a large section of the science building and could be heard all the way to downtown New Romford.  Somehow, no one was seriously injured.

    “Our students are superheroes in training,” said Professor Stratosphere.  “They’re used to things like this.  They reacted like superheroes should.”

    The Professor was also quick to point out that this wasn’t a supervillain attack nor did any student turn evil.  “I know we get attacked frequently,” he said.  “But this was not, and I repeat, NOT a supervillain attack, and our students didn’t turn evil.  I repeat, no one turned evil.”

    “The nanites also burned up in the explosion,” he added.  “No one will have gargoyle statues self-assembling on their lawns.  I promise.”

  • Muskrat Fights Four Supervillains on Same Day, Different Places

    Muskrat Fights Four Supervillains on Same Day, Different Places

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    by Packie Williams

    CARTERSON — The Muskrat, Headmaster of The Quinton School for Young Superheroes, solo adventurer, and Peace Force member, has long been one of the most active superheroes for the past 30 years.  An advanced healing system and a superior learning ability have helped him master over 50 different fighting styles and nearly as many languages.  He’s used his skills to defeat hundreds of supervillains and thousands of henchmen on Earth and across the galaxy.

    While he’s a well-traveled hero, the Muskrat has never fought four separate supervillains on the same day, in different locations.  The obvious question is how did he do it?

    This morning at around 10:45 am EST, the Muskrat was seen fighting Superjock & Nerdboy with some fellow teachers and students at The Quinton School in Carterson.  The supervillain team attacked the school for rejecting their admittance even though neither of them is a superhero and are both in their 30s.  It’s reported that they claimed to be reformed, but that claim ran counter to their attack.

    Then around noon EST, the Muskrat was seen fighting Lunar (pronounced Lu-NARRR), the Moon Pirate in New Orleans.  Lunar was smuggling some unknown goods into the city when the Muskrat caught wind of his activities.  The fight began at the docks but turned into a street chase through the French Quarter.  The Muskrat was on his motorcycle while Lunar rode his motorboatcycle.  Witnesses reported that the chase lasted until at least 1:30 pm EST (12:30 local time), concluding in an abandoned warehouse near the edge of the city.  Muskrat and Lunar fought again, this time with a couple dozen pirate henchmen, ending in a massive explosion at around 2:10 pm EST.  Lunar was turned over to the FBI by the Muskrat, who stayed for another half-hour to answer the authorities’ questions.

    If that wasn’t enough, the Muskrat was also seen with the Peace Force in Rome fighting Julie Caesar, the supposed descendant of Julius Caesar, as she attempted a takeover of the Italian Capital Building.  Using a mind control device, she was able to take over much of Parliament in an attempt to resurrect the Roman Empire.  The Peace Force caught wind of the scheme and, with the Muskrat in tow, was able to fight back her robotic centurion army.  The battle began at 2:15 pm EST (8:15 local time) and lasted for another three hours.

    Naturally, the question is how did the Muskrat be in three separate places, thousands of miles apart, in one day.  His travel methods have been the subject of many rumors over the years, most of them easily dismissed or disproven.  The most common is that the Muskrat has a secret teleporting ability, but most experts believe he has access to a teleport machine courtesy of Dr. Amazing or the Peace Force.

    “The counterargument to that theory,” said Juan Diego Montana, hypertravel expert with McDowell Aeronautics, “is that no other superhero has shown such a proclivity to being in multiple spots on the same day apart from known teleporters.  Plus, teleporting machines are incredibly large and require huge amounts of power, which is why they’re not more common.  And even the fastest of Peace Force jets get from New Romford to London in an hour.”

    “Honestly,” said Diego Montana, “I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a dozen of Muskrats.  Who knows how many clones of that guy are running around?”  The Muskrat declined to comment on his travel arrangements or clone speculation.

  • ‘Reboot Man’ Denied Membership into Superteams for Being ‘Weird’

    ‘Reboot Man’ Denied Membership into Superteams for Being ‘Weird’

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    Old photo of Ray Denver as North-Star

     

    by Stan Hopewell

    Ray Denver, the superhero commonly referred to as “Reboot Man,” has had a difficult life when he gained his superpowers several years ago.  Now, the veteran cannot land a job with a superteam.

    “This is pure discrimination,” said Denver, now going by the alias Clayman and exhibiting shapeshifting powers.  “Just because I’m a shapeshifter they think I’m a villain.  The Peace Force has at least three shapeshifters, so why am I being shunned by them?”

    The shapeshifters on the Peace Force are limited in their abilities.  Techno-Man can turn into electrical equipment, Orgo can transform into animals in a pink hue, and Super Stretcher can morph his body into most objects but cannot fully change his appearance.  In other words, none is a true shapeshifter by the UN Security Council definitions, whose legal definitions are used worldwide.

    Denver still believes he can pass any series of tests a superteam wants to know he’s not a villain.  “They can keep me on the reserve squad for a year to keep an eye on me,” he said.  “I’ll wear an ankle bracelet, have a computer chip implanted into me, I’ll let them read my mind once a week.  I just want to prove my mettle.”

    He also needs a paycheck.  Denver hasn’t been employed either as a superhero or a civilian in three years, and reportedly, has massive amounts of debt from his research trip to Alpha Centauri.  In the past three months, he’s been turned away from the Peace Force, the Amazings, SuperSeven, the Quinton School (for a teaching position), The Good Guys, and, curiously, QTpi’s, the all 16-under girls superteam.  “He was really weird,” said Mighty Mary, the 10 year-old leader.  “And super gross and old!  We don’t want weirdoes on our team.”

    Denver is considering legal action against the Peace Force and some other superteams, assuming he can find a lawyer to work pro-bono.  In the meantime, Clayman will patrol the streets of New York, New Romford, Philadelphia, and Boston in an effort to increase his “brand”.  “I’m just going to have to do this like the old days,” he said.  “I just need to get out on the streets and help the people.  That’s the only way I can prove myself.”

    “And if companies want to advertise on me, I’m open to that, too.  Just putting that out there.”

  • Nanites Finally Under Control

    Nanites Finally Under Control

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    By Buffy Bolivar

    The nanite rampage at the Quinton School for Young Superheroes is finally over.  Professor Stratosphere, with assistance from ATOM Labs and Dr. Amazing, were able to find the cause of the nanites’ malfunction and stopped their ceaseless building last night.

    “It turns out there was some malicious code in their programming,” said Professor Stratosphere.  “I won’t say for certain where the code came from, but I have some guesses on who could’ve put it in there.  One of our many enemies to be sure.”

    It had been three weeks since the rampage had begun as the nanites kept building new structures after the Pop Man attack on the day the school reopened.  The nanites crept to the school’s property line, threatening the residents of Carterson with gargoyle statues and spikes.  Faculty and students had been destroying buildings on a regular basis to slow them down, and they even got some of the residents to help out.

    Finally, the ordeal is over, and many of the students are relieved to be able to rest.  “It’s just been a lot of busy work,” said Jason Mirth, a.k.a. Stone Fist.  “My hands hurt.  I think I’m going to sleep for a week.”

    Before, the residents had to deal with all the noise of the destruction, but now that it’s over, there’s an eerie quiet in town.  “It’s really weird,” said Wanda Platt.  “Everyone had to speak up and yell, basically, to talk for the past week or so.  We all just got used to it.  Now, it’s really quiet, and no one wants to break the silence.

    “But I’m glad it’s over.  I just hope I can get to sleep tonight without all the white noise.”

  • Carterson Residents Destroy Buildings for Fun and Safety

    Carterson Residents Destroy Buildings for Fun and Safety

    gargoyleswebBy Buffy Bolivar

    The nanites from the Quinton School for Young Superheroes are still rampaging on the campus as students and faculty have set up a rotating schedule for destroying new buildings as they come.  Now, the residents of Carterson have been invited to help out.

    Headmaster Muskrat has offered some residents to opportunity to vent their frustrations of the nanites by letting them destroy buildings alongside the students and faculty.  “This is more fun than I thought it’d be,” said Jill Hadley.  “The lady with the weird face tattoos [faculty member Tara Target] gave me this giant hammer to smash things with.  The hammer isn’t as heavy as it looks, but it still smashes things good.”

    “I’ve destroyed 20 gargoyles today!”

    Residents have been helping out the school, not just to give the students and faculty a break, but also to help preserve their homes from unwanted gargoyles and spikes.  Members of a local gym have come by, mostly for the exercise.  “I’m all for a full-body workout,” said Jon Anthony.  “Smashing buildings uses every muscle in your body.  It’s great for bodybuilding.”

    But some residents aren’t so happy about this.  Mary Landers wouldn’t mind if the nanites came over and helped out her house.  “I wouldn’t mind have a second floor and a garage,” she said.  “Can’t they let a few of them robots come over and remodel my house?  I wouldn’t even mind a few gargoyles.”

    Meanwhile, the Muskrat assured residents that Professor Stratosphere was close to a solution to stomp the rampage.

  • Nanites Won’t Stop Building

    Nanites Won’t Stop Building

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    By Buffy Bolivar

    Now, the Muskrat admits, things are getting out of hand.  The nanites that Professor Stratosphere infused into the Quinton School’s buildings have been continually building new structures ever since the Pop Man attack from two weeks ago.   They’re threatening to overrun the school’s property line and spread out towards the town of Carterson.

    “We are working on a solution right now,” said the Muskrat in a written statement.  “We will do whatever is necessary to slow down the nanites before they reach the school’s property line.  Professor Stratosphere is working with ATOM Labs and Dr. Amazing around the clock to alleviate this situation.  In the meantime, both the faculty and students are working diligently to destroy any new buildings in hopes of forcing the nanites to rebuild them and stay on campus.”

    Indeed, residents of Carterson can hear the explosions from the Quinton School for Young Superheroes.  “Every few minutes you can just hear a large thud or kapow,” said Randy Scobel.  “I was just reading the paper this morning when I started hearing the explosions, and I spilled my coffee all over the place.  I could even feel my house shake on one of the really big ones.”

    Carterson mayor, Laura McKinley, has expressed deep concerns over the explosions and the nanites.  She said she objected to the nanites when Professor Stratosphere first told her about them, but since the school is outside the city limits, there wasn’t much she could do.

    “I told him these weren’t a good idea,” said McKinley.  “Obviously, I’m not a scientist, but there’s just something off about little machines.  I asked what would happen if they went rogue, and he assured me that everything would be fine.  I tried to look him straight in the face to get a reassurance, but his globe helmet makes it difficult to do that.”

    For now Mayor McKinley is urging residents to remain vigilant and ready to evacuate if they start to see gargoyle statues suddenly appear on their houses.

  • Quinton School Nanites Double School’s Capacity

    Quinton School Nanites Double School’s Capacity

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    By Buffy Bolivar

    The Quinton School for Young Superheroes is still infested with Professor Stratosphere’s nanites.  For over a week, they’ve been rebuilding the school from the Pop Man attacks and then adding onto the campus’s buildings, and now they’ve effectively doubled the school’s capacity.

    Dorms, classrooms, cafeterias, and combat rooms have all been duplicated by the nanites.  What was once a school fit for a maximum of 60 students can now house 120.  And the nanites have not stopped building.

    “Professor Stratosphere is monitoring the situation closely,” said the Muskrat, who has returned from his mission with the Peace Force.  “It’s nice that they’re so effective at their jobs and that they’ve doubled the school for free.  So far, we’re grateful.”  The Professor could not be reached for comment as he was busy examining the nanites.

    The students, who are suddenly finding themselves with extra space, are taking advantage of the situation.  Gale Bradley, a.k.a. Star Girl or Bright Woman (she hasn’t decided which she likes better yet), is enjoying the extra space.  “The dorms here are pretty much the same size anywhere else,” she said, “so now we all got another room, and we’re spreading out.  Some guys have been punching holes in the walls to try and make them one room, but it doesn’t work for long as the nanites rebuild the walls immediately.”

    In between classes, some of the students have been having fun blowing up the gargoyles and watching the nanites descend on the broken off statue and reattach it to the building in a matter of minutes, even from 400 feet away.

    Asked if they were worried about the nanites, most of the students just shrugged it off.  Matt Klutte, a.k.a. Sheer Man, said, “Look, I’ve had translucent skin all my life.  That guy over there looks like a frog-wolf, and that guy can detach his joints like a freaking toy.  Like, seriously, his arms just pop off like he’s made of plastic, and he can pop them in and out like nothing.  These nanites are nothing next to us.”