The New Romford Free Press

Tag: subway

  • Local News Roundup: A Kraken, the Cookie Monstrosity, and A Looping Subway Train

    Local News Roundup: A Kraken, the Cookie Monstrosity, and A Looping Subway Train

    localnews

    By Chase Chapley

    Offshore – The 12-foot tidal wave that crashed onto our shore, and throughout much of the eastern seaboard, was caused by Speedster creating “water tornadoes” out at sea.  The speed-themed superhero said she had to “take care of a kraken” that was attacking a freighter, though the captain of said freighter could not describe what the creature was when asked.  The captain’s eyes glowed purple when she asked about the incident, and the Peace Force is currently looking into it.

    Heights Park – The Bernard St. Warrior got stuck on the Future Farm last night after chasing what he claimed were burglars.  Although security cameras around the Future Farm didn’t detect any intruders beyond the supposed superhero, the Bernard St. Warrior (real name Nicholas Conberm) grappled to the top of the 25-story highrise farm, and as he ascended up the tower, his grapple cord jammed and stopped retracting at around the 19th floor.  He stayed there all night before being rescued by Dr. Amazing, who decided not to press charges as the situation was already embarrassing enough as is.

    Frenchtown – The QTπ’s beat up the Cookie Monstrosity (no relation to the Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster, though the Cookie Monstrosity is currently facing legal action from the Sesame Workshop over his name) after he attempted to steal all of the Girl Scout Cookies in Norwoods.  Knowing about his cookie addiction, the QTπ’s stationed members all over New Romford to protect the Girl Scots, and unsurprisingly, the Cookie Monstrosity appeared in Place 2.  The CM devoured 86 boxes of samoas, tagalongs, and thin mints before Punch Girl punched him in his cookie-filled face.  He is currently being held on a 500,000 cookie bail.

    Virgin Heights – Passengers on the C Train were caught in an “unusual wrinkle in the timespace continuum” yesterday that scientists are still trying to understand.  When the C Train left the 56th Street station, it would somehow return to that same station one minute later, and this happened for trains going in both directions.  This continued for several hours as confused passengers would exit the train at the same spot they got on it, and then many of them repeated this process several times.  Eventually, the New Romford Transit Authority closed the C Train line and called ATOM Labs to investigate.  Scientists rode the train to gather data and determined a wormhole had spontaneously spawned here.  Using some science gizmos, they were able to dissipate the wormhole, and the trains returned to normal service.  They’re still trying to understand how the wormhole spawned and have called in Dr. Amazing to consult.  For now, they’ve said the subways are safe to ride again “as far as we know.”

  • Micro-Man Preps ‘Micro-Way’ for Proposal

    Micro-Man Preps ‘Micro-Way’ for Proposal

    microwayweb

    By Julia Crumpleman

    ATOM Labs scientist, Daisuke Honda, a.k.a. the superhero Micro-Man, has been prepping a new transportation proposal for city hall ever since the Dino-Day Disaster.  Calling it the “Micro-Way,” it’s essentially a miniature subway, and he says it’ll solve the city’s traffic problems.

    “There’s only so much space for public transportation,” said Honda.  “Subways, buses, monorails, pneumatic tubes, they all suffer from one problem:  they take up space,” said Honda.  “You have to tear up whole streets to lay down new subway lines or tear down buildings for monorails, and that not only costs billions of dollars but also years of construction time.  But imagine if the subways were the size of an electrical wire.  Now imagine a whole network of subways that small.  You could lay down hundreds of subway lines all across the city at a fraction of the cost and space as standard subway lines.”

    Honda’s proposal* would be to build “Micro-Stations” all across New Romford.  People would enter the “Micro-Stations,” pay for their ticket, be shrunk down by a Micro-Ray, and then ride the “Micro-Way” like they would a subway train.  Once they reach their destination, they get reverted back to their original size as they exit.  The “Micro-Way” trains would run much the same way as normal trains do, but at a significantly faster pace than their larger version to make up ground.

    “That’s not all,” he added.  “The major terminals could also have ‘Micro-Businesses.’  You can have convenience stores, restaurants, clothing stores and so on down there, but at a smaller scale.  One city block may have a dozen businesses, but if they were ‘Micro-Businesses,’ you could have hundreds of taxable businesses per block.”  Honda emphasized this point several times as he will at city hall.

    But there already are detractors with some reasonable concerns in the “micro-community.”  “They’ll never go for it,” said Paul Gershwin, the original Micro-Man.  “It’s a good idea, really, but no one will want to subject thousands of people to the Micro-Rays needed to make it work.  Even if people weren’t wary of being shrunk down, which not everyone can handle by the way, there’s still the possibility, however small, that something goes wrong.  Maybe the body shrinks but not the head, and then you crush your body.  Unfortunately, these things happen.”

    “Personally, I know not how he plans to beat back the rats and armies of ants,” said Krok, the size-changing alien warrior.  “Somehow, someway, they will break into this ‘Micro-Way’ and wreak untold havoc on innocent lives who do not know the first thing about fighting giant rodents and insects.”

    “And do not get me started on mutant bacteria.”

    Honda acknowledged the concerns of his friends but was adamant that he could handle these challenges.  “The Micro-Ray has progressed since Paul’s time.  Of course, there’s no way to eliminate all errors, but the machine is now built to detect any slight error and to shut down immediately.  We’ll take every precaution to stop that from happening.  And the rail lines will be coated in five layers of titanium.  There will be no way for rats or insects to enter.  Even so, we’ll have guards stationed in each terminal and train just in case.”

    “And, well, mutant bacteria is mutant bacteria.”

    Honda will give his proposal next week.

     

    *Professor Honda is not affiliated with the Honda Motor Co.