The New Romford Free Press

Tag: The Breach

  • LA Gridlock: The Amazings End the Gridlock with Pocket Dimension But Can’t Close the Breach

    LA Gridlock: The Amazings End the Gridlock with Pocket Dimension But Can’t Close the Breach

    By Buffy Bolivar

    LOS ANGELES – After what seems like months of strife, the original Amazings have ended the gridlock that turned the Greater Los Angeles area into a dozens of nations.

    “It was a bit more difficult than I thought,” said Dr. Amazing.  “There were so many vehicles blockading roads and intersections, so we couldn’t just unclog them.  Where would we put the vehicles?  Anywhere we put them would just let the whole thing get reclogged, never mind that we couldn’t lift all of these vehicles just by ourselves.”

    “Then I remembered I had access to pocket dimensions.”

    Just like how they defeated Mother from the Breach, the Amazings defeated LA’s gridlock by stowing all of the cars, trucks, vans, and semis away in a pocket dimension, albeit a one uninhabited by Mother.  Splitting up into teams of two, the Amazings used one of Dr. Amazing’s gizmos to teleport thousands of vehicles into a pocket dimension.  After a day’s work, roughly half of every vehicle on the roads of LA were no longer of this Earth.

    Without half the capacity, traffic was able to finally move.  People were able to head home, but there was still the problem of all the would-be royals in each “nation.”  Luckily, the West Coast Peace Force returned from space to help beat back the bats, Disney Land Overlords, and James Cameron cosplayers.  These communities were damaged to varying degrees, but overall, people were able to return home and reunite with loved ones.

    “It seems like years have passed since I’ve seen my kids,” said Marc Helms of Anaheim, who was stuck in Fredistan for reasons he doesn’t wish to disclose.  “Somehow my kids survived the Disney Land-Knott’s Berry Farm War, and I’m just grateful to be with them.”

    “But I still don’t understand why my backyard is filled with dead bats wearing mouse ears.”

    As for the vehicles in the pocket dimension, they were brought back in stages to our dimension after the traffic had cleared out.  The West Coast Peace Force helped to maintain order, which was easy given that everyone just wanted to go home.

    Unfortunately, the Breach could not be closed, and Dr. Amazing said it might stay open for the foreseeable future.  He will pull in scientists from around the world to close it, but for now, he has only one suggestion for how to deal with it.

    “Just don’t look at it too long,” he said.

  • LA Gridlock: The Amazings Defeat Monster from the Breach

    LA Gridlock: The Amazings Defeat Monster from the Breach

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    By Buffy Bolivar

    LOS ANGELES – The Amazings arrived in Los Angeles this morning and, after closing the failed wormhole in Gardena, began to assess the gridlock before being attacked by monsters from the Breach.

    Landing their Amazing Plane in the Griffith Observatory, one of the few neutral areas in the Greater Los Angeles Nations, the original Amazings (Dr. Amazing, Snow Woman, Mr. Bigg, and Miss Terror) began to assess the damage caused by the gridlock.  Snow Woman used her snow powers to put out some fires and then freeze the lava pit, and Miss Terror beat up some Terminator Gang members from terrorizing people in Glendale.  Mr. Bigg threw Dr. Amazing over to the failed wormhole in Gardena while he investigated the Breach.  Dr. Amazing was able to close the wormhole with a device he invented and then rejoined Snow Woman just north of him, and they found Mr. Bigg looking at the Breach.

    Thankfully, Dr. Amazing had invented special goggles to combat the thrall of the Breach, so Mr. Bigg wasn’t affected.  Using his giant size, Mr. Bigg tried to remove the people stuck staring into the Breach, but they wouldn’t budge.  Miss Terror rejoined them, and her strength wasn’t able to move them.  “She is coming,” they chanted all the while, and then it changed.  “She is here,” they all screamed in unison.

    From the Breach, flying monsters dropped from the sky.  They were pink, purple, and teal creatures with four red eyes, tentacles for mouths, bat-like wings, and various numbers of limbs depending on their color.  The monsters began consuming the enthralled humans, attaching themselves to their heads and absorbing them into their colorful bodies.  The Amazings fought off as many as they could, but the aging superheroes were outnumbered.  Then the Mother arrived.

    The Mother, whose name was unpronounceable as it didn’t contain vowels any human could speak, was gold and ten times bigger than her children.  Mr. Bigg punched her in her tentacle mouth because of course he would, but it made her angry.  The Mother ate her children, gaining their strength in the process and growing in size.  The Amazings were on the ropes.

    The ensuing battle destroyed much of west Los Angeles and Beverly Hills, largely due to Mr. Bigg staying in giant form.  Snow Woman and Miss Terror had more success freezing parts of the Mother’s body and punching her in the joints.  Dr. Amazing left for several minutes, and he returned with the bees of Leimert Park in tow.

    Using another one of his gizmos, Dr. Amazing transformed the bees into dark bees.  In a risky move, he somehow ordered the dark bees to attack the Mother, and their dark stings disintegrated the Mother’s body.  The Amazings fought to keep the Mother from escaping, and with each sting, the Mother disintegrated.  One by one, the humans absorbed by the monsters fell from her body, and Snow Woman created a snow bank to catch them.

    Eventually, the dark bees had disintegrated enough of the Mother to make her just a head.  Dr. Amazing called off the dark bees, turning them back into normal bees, and they all buzzed away.  Snow Woman put the Mother’s head on ice, and Dr. Amazing transported it to a pocket dimension for safe keeping.  All of the humans caught in the thrall woke up, dazed and confused but no worse for wear.  Now, all the Amazings had to do was figure out how to close the Breach, but Dr. Amazing admitted he didn’t know how to do that.

  • LA Gridlock: Bats vs. Birds, Disney Invades, & The Breach Gets Creepier

    LA Gridlock: Bats vs. Birds, Disney Invades, & The Breach Gets Creepier

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    By Buffy Bolivar

    LOS ANGELES – Chaos continues to reign in the Greater Los Angeles Nations as birds attack bats, the Disney Lands take over Knott’s Berry Republic, and the Breach grows.  The Amazings are set to arrive in Los Angeles tomorrow, bringing much needed help to a region that continues to get weirder by the day.

    The nation known as Aviania has been blanketed by birds for the past week.  From seagulls to pigeons to eagles, hawks, and condors, the skies have darkened over what used to be Irvine, Lake Forest, and Mission Viejo.  Over the last several days, the number of birds has doubled each day as they have appeared to form military divisions according to witnesses in nearby nations.  Rumor has it that a wizard of some sort has holed up in the Mission San Juan Capistrano, just south of Mission Viejo.  It is famous for being the springtime migratory home of the American Cliff Swallow, so it only seems natural that a birdtalker is controlling the birds from there, but so far, it’s still a rumor.

    What’s not a rumor is the birds have been attacking the bats of Chino Hills to the north.  Also known as Batsylvania, Chino Hills has been overrun with the flying mammals, but unlike Aviania, it doesn’t have a famous history of bats.  Rumor has it that a coven of vampires got stranded in Chino Hills and took over, but again, it’s only a rumor.  The bird-on-bat violence has riddled the land of both nations with hundreds of dead flying animals.  Three battles have taken place over the past two days, and it’s not clear if either side has gained any advantage.  But that seems to only be a matter of time as Aviania has replenished its ranks to almost full strength after each battle.  No one knows what they’re fighting over or how to make the children stuck in these nations stop crying.

    Nearby, the Disney Lands have crossed their border into the Knott’s Berry Republic and have all but crushed the competing amusement park-themed nation.  Leaders from the Knott’s Berry Republic have long suspected that Disney would overtake them, but they figured their sticky jams, wild west themed guards, and Peanuts licensing rights would put up more of a fight.  Sadly for them, Charlie Brown couldn’t defeat Mickey Mouse and the precise military strikes of the Disney Lands.  A few leaders have managed to escape the invasion, but it may be only a formality at this point.  The Disney Lands have seized control.

    Yet the most disturbing development is several miles northwest.  The Breach has grown.  More people have been captured in its thrall, and they are chanting something different.  “She is coming,” they chant.  “She is coming,” they repeat continuously, as their eyes turn white.  They do not say who “she” is or what “she” wants.  All we know is “she is coming.”

  • LA Gridlock: Cat People vs. Dog People, The Breach, and Where Are the Superheroes?

    LA Gridlock: Cat People vs. Dog People, The Breach, and Where Are the Superheroes?

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    By Buffy Bolivar

    LOS ANGELES – While Governor Jerry Brown has called a state of emergency for southern California, the residents of the new Greater Los Angeles Nations have dug in their heels for the long haul.

    The nations simply called Cat People and Dog People are predictably at war with each other.  Both nations reside in the quadrangle between the 710 & 605 and the 91 & 405, comprising a large portion of the cities of Long Beach and Lakewood.  Divided down the middle by Lakewood Blvd, the Cat People live on the west while the Dog People live on the east.  It’s not known how each nation became based on the love of feline and canine pets, but their natural rivalries quickly coalesced into a feud.

    Their battles have raged since day one as each vie for territory across Lakewood Blvd.  The Lakewood Center mall, which lies on the eastern side of the border in Dog People territory, is a hotbed for attacks from the Cat People as it has a Costco, Target, and Macy’s.  The Lakewood Regional Medical Center lies on the western side of the border, and the Dog People regularly let their canines loose to distract the doctors while they steal medical supplies.  The biggest hot spot in the Long Beach Airport as one of its runways crosses the border into Dog People territory.  Last night, thirty-five people were injured when the Dog People tried to gain more runway.  Ultimately, they failed, and tensions remain high.

    Meanwhile, more information has come in as to what exactly “The Breach” is, and apparently, there’s a 3-mile long tear in the fabric of spacetime from Brentwood to the Sunset Strip “hovering” ominously in the sky.  People who stare at the tear reportedly “see the cosmic truth of reality,” or at least, that’s what they chant 24 hours a day as they can’t turn away from The Breach.  So far, nothing has come through The Breach, and no one knows how it tore open.

    But the big question is where are the superheroes?  The West Coast Peace Force is still in space, and the East Coast Peace Force has their hands full with everything else going on in the world.  The most powerful local heroes work for the WCPF, so only the street-level heroes are around, and they seem to be trying to maintain peace rather than solve the gridlock.

    Dr. Amazing has been called in to help solve the problem, but help may take a while to get there as he’s currently stuck in a pocket dimension with Micro-Man.