The New Romford Free Press

Tag: The Magnificent Magician Magicimo

  • GORM Is Magical Frog, Now Banished to Home Dimension

    GORM Is Magical Frog, Now Banished to Home Dimension

    By Chase Chapley

    The mystery of who or what GORM was has now been solved.  GORM is a giant magical frog from Earth-188, where it apparently reigns supreme.

    The Peace Force issued a detailed accounting of how GORM came to our dimension:

    The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, encountered a strange magical anomaly on the outer reaches of The Mystic Plane, and he went to investigate.  He came across a unique dimension inhabited by bird-lizard hybrids that wasn’t a planet Earth.

    The magical anomaly was coming from one of this world’s castles, and it was clear the bird-lizard hybrids were being subjugated.  The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, used a cloaking spell to roam the castle to gather information.  Despite not understanding anything the inhabitants said, as they spoke no human language, he was able to ascertain they were being manipulated, and the magical anomaly was coming from the castle’s throne room.

    The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, found a giant frog named GORM.  It was using his magic to enslave the bird-lizard people.  Due to the magical energy swirling around the frog, The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, determined GORM wasn’t from this dimension, and the frog turned off his cloaking spell.

    They were able to speak to each other using a translation spell, and The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, discovered that the frog was named GORM and that it wished to increase its territory across dimensions.  The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, objected, and they got into a magic fight.  They began to leap across dimensions, throwing magic spells at each other.  They hopped into our dimension, and one of GORM’s spells interacted unusually with our dimension, and the recent bout of “frogs” in the Shorefont’s lexicon was one of the results.

    Eventually, The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, was able to trick GORM with an illusion spell and banished it back to its home dimension, depowered.  He has swept the Shorefront for any magical residue, and apart from some computer files, he found the neighborhood free and clear of GORM’s influence.

    The Peace Force did not specify if the computer files still contained some amount of GORM’s magic, or if this residue was harmful.  Currently, our “FROGS FROGS FROGS” article remains on our site.

  • A Note About the ‘FROGS FROGS FROGS’ Article

    By Chase Chapley

    As many of you have no doubt seen, we had an article posted that was entitled “FROGS FROGS FROGS” and consisted of primarily the word “frogs” with a smattering of “GORM”.  I will attempt to explain this bizarre situation to the best of my abilities.

    I was placed under a magic spell along with many of my colleagues here in the office.  We assume that the source of the spell was a being named “GORM,” though we’re still waiting on confirmation from the NRPD, ATOM Labs, and the Peace Force.  This name does not appear in our databases of magical beings, but given the fact for three hours “frogs” was the only word we could speak or type, it’s possible any mention of a “GORM” could’ve been wiped away.

    We all vaguely remember a battle taking place across the street from our offices involving The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, and we can see signs of battle in the streets.  I’m sure many of you in our part of New Romford, in Shorefront, felt the same feeling as us once you realized that you could only speak or type “frogs”.  From what we can gather, the battle didn’t last near our offices for more than a few seconds before The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, and, presumably, GORM teleported away to another realm.

    Whatever happened, one of our articles about a different incident was written in all “frogs” and was published to the site.  We can’t remember what the original story was about, and we cannot to delete the “frogs” story either.  Our IT department has tried everything to remove the story—they even tried uploading the base site code without any articles—but to no avail.  It’s probably under a magic spell as well.

    So “FROGS FROGS FROGS” will remain a part of this site for the time being.  We’ll tag this story with “frogs” to match the previous story and hope for the best.  We apologize for any confusion.

  • Twin Cities Returning to Normal

    Twin Cities Returning to Normal

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    By Skip Daverman

    MINNEAPOLIS – After the month-long nightmare of the sentient bickering mouths, the Twin Cities are finally returning to normal, and making some money along the way.

    The damage caused by the mouths, which became sentient due to the evil sorcerer, Nilrem, was not as extensive as previously thought.  The damage to the infrastructure was limited.  Only about 30 streets in both cities combined needed repairs, and surprisingly, around 120 buildings were damages with only 9 critically damaged.  The windows all across the Twin Cities needed the most repairs, but most residents were grateful for that.

    “I really thought my home was destroyed,” said Robert Mathis, who lives less than a mile from downtown Minneapolis.  “Those mouths were so loud.  I thought for sure the sound waves would’ve just crushed everything, but all I came home to was a couple of broken windows and a bent storm drain.  Talk about lucky.”  Unlike Kansas, Magicimo could not reverse the damage with a spell.  A reversal spell would need to be cast within 24 hours of the original spell to work.

    With everyone returning home, the Twin Cities have not only gotten back to work but also have started capitalizing on their plight.  Both cities have commissioned artists to paint an outline of where the mouths were, and once done, they’ll place plaques along the way to preserve this unique piece of history.  They’ve even proposed to make each site a National Historical Site, but a decision on that isn’t expected until at least next year.

    Furthermore, to help generate some revenue and to mitigate the revenue they lost from this disaster, both cities are offering helicopter tours so people can see the “mouths” from up in the sky.  “It’s been really popular,” said St. Paul pilot Jon Francis.  “When you get up in the air, you really get a sense of just how big those things were.  Sometimes I like to spook them by rumbling into my headset.  Heh, really sounds like they’re coming back to the passengers.”

    And in other Nilrem news, the Chicago Cubs returned to Wrigley Field, playing their first home game in months.  So far, no one has noticed that they’ve returned.

  • Magicimo Captures Nilrem

    Magicimo Captures Nilrem

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    By Skip Daverman

    WICHITA – The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® captured the evil sorcerer Nilrem today outside of Wichita, Kansas, in a magic battle that temporarily decimated the Kansan landscape.

    Nilrem, the evil mirror image of the ancient sorcerer, Merlin, was conjuring up his patented Odanrots for fun in the small town of Wellington, just south of Wichita.  Odanrots, of course, are reverse tornadoes.  Instead of sucking things into its vortex, Odanrots spew wind outwards.  How this actually happens is not known to science, naturally, as it’s magic.

    magicimowebWhy Nilrem was conjuring up Odanrots is also not known, but it’s probably because he’s “a madman” according to The Maginificent Magician, Magicimo®.  With all the houses and streets he spewed across the countryside, he was easy to find.  He engaged Nilrem with a few magic spells to constrain him, but Nilrem broke free and started using roads to whip The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®.  The battle continued for nearly eight minutes, leaving Wellington and the Kansas countryside in ruins.  Nilrem was finally captured when his mouth and body were wrapped in metal clasps.  Then, with a few hand gestures and glowing eyes, The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® returned everything back to normal.  The houses, streets, and farms were as good as new.

    “I simply reversed this maddening madman’s madness,” he said.  “It was not difficult.  After all, he is a third-rate, two-timing thug, and nothing like me, the Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®.”

    After answering some more questions with alliteration, The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® reversed the spell that turned the Twin Cities sentient and, surprisingly, the spell that turned the ivy in Wrigley Field sentient.  It was not known that Nilrem was the cause of that, but considering how similar it was to the Twin Cities, it makes sense now.  “Clearly, the madman who thought this up was not very imaginative,” he said.

  • The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® Puts Twin Cities to Sleep

    magicimoweb

    By Skip Daverman

    MINNEAPOLIS – After several weeks of interminable bickering, the sentient mouths of the Twin Cities have finally been put to sleep by The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®.

    Since the giant mouths started yelling at each other, scientists from all over the world have been lending their support in finding out what exactly made the Twin Cities sentient and rowdy.  No one could come up with an answer.  “It was clearly not the work of man,” said The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® in his typical boisterous stage voice, “but the work of a madman.  And I do not mean Jon Hamm.”

    While everyone understood what he meant, he went on to explain that he had been on another plane of existence for the past three months, and when he returned to hear of Minnesota’s plight, he “smelled the stink of dark, delirious, and demented dealings with the Devil.”  In other words, it was Nilrem, the evil mirror image of the ancient sorcerer, Merlin.  “Do you not see?” he said.  “This is his handy work.  To sow disruption, discord, and disaster in the most insane, insidious, inane way known to madman.  Clearly it was him!”

    Thankfully, The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® got to the Twin Cities just in time.  They had somehow developed hands, and Minneapolis was whipping the Mississippi River at St. Paul.  How it was able to grab hold of a river and use it as a whip is also not known, but it was probably magic.  St. Paul retaliated by throwing Pickerel Lake at Minneapolis.  Again, magic.

    The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo® put a sleeping spell on both cities, and then gave a lengthy speech filled with alliteration to the authorities and press.  Once he left to search for Nilrem, the Twin Cities were eerily quiet for nearly ten minutes.  Everyone who attended his speech in Mankato remained silent, relishing the first real silence in weeks, but it was short lived.  It turned out that Minneapolis snores.