The New Romford Free Press

Tag: wormhole

  • Space News Roundup: Energy Blasts, a Multi-Galactic Planet, and Skull Planet

    Space News Roundup: Energy Blasts, a Multi-Galactic Planet, and Skull Planet

    spacenews

    By Karna Firaliz

    SAGITTARIUS ARM, Milky Way Galaxy – The energy blasts of two god-like beings, Orto and Monku, from 1,000 Earth years ago have finally made their way to the Milky Way Galaxy.  Orto and Monku’s ferocious battle is the stuff of legends, and it cost both beings their lives.  The reasoning for their epic battle is up for debate among historian, politicians, and the religious followings of each warrior, but one thing is known.  Their energy blasts were so enormous and powerful that they’ve been traveling the universe, passing through galaxy after galaxy for over 1,000 Earth years, destroying everything in their path.  Now, they’re headed for the Sagittarius Arm of the Milky Way in the next two Earth weeks, but as they’ve dissipated significantly over the past millennium, their strength isn’t expected to destroy any planets.  Planets with proper shielding will survive with minimal disruption while everything else can expect mild destruction.

    PLANET ARTHI, Pegasus Galaxy & Andromeda Galaxy – In a strange case of spacetime entanglement, the single planet of Arthi is currently residing in both the Pegasus and Andromeda Galaxy simultaneously.  Normally a resident of the Pegasus Galaxy, Arthi got sucked into a rift in spacetime, similar to a wormhole, and now half of the planet is residing in the Andromeda Galaxy.  Thankfully, that new location was already empty and rotating a star, but its location in the Andromeda is nearly 10 million Earth miles farther away from its star in the Pegasus Galaxy.  Arthians have migrated to the Pegasus side for warmth and have asked for help from neighboring planets as all their most advanced technology is currently stuck on the Andromeda side, freezing over.

    SKULL PLANET, formerly Planet Peace – An army of just 500 pirates overthrew the loose collection of “governments” of what used to be known as Planet Peace.  The inhabitants colonized the planet in the Pegasus Galaxy some 2,000 Earth years ago, and with the express purpose of being a peaceful, non-warring society.  Planet Peace attracted pacifists from all over the galaxy, and each group of settlers formed “governments,” which were little more than committees that planned parties, meditation séances, and the occasional orgy.  Money was outlawed, and the inhabitants relied on a barter system.  With no economy to speak of, Planet Peace was at peace for its entire existence, until last week when the pirates invaded.  They overthrew the “governments” in two Earth days.  The pirates’ stated they came to the planet for the orgies, but seeing as the next orgy wasn’t scheduled for another month, they became angry and started a fight.  Since Planet Peace had no military, the pirates ended up overthrowing the planet by accident.  The inhabitants willingly submitted to their new overlords, but the pirates just asked them to schedule an orgy for the following week.  They renamed the planet Skull Planet because it sounded cooler.

  • Space News Roundup 11.6.15

    Space News Roundup 11.6.15

    spacenews

    By Karna Firaliz

    ANNNKN, JNNKO Empire – A space whale got stuck in JNNKO Wormhole 3 (JW3), causing a traffic jam for thousands of light-years.  JW3 connects the home planet of ANNNKN with several outlying systems, and space “whales” (which only resemble Earth whales in appearance) are known to roam throughout several galaxies.  Thousands of space ships run into a herd of them swimming through the cosmos each year, killing hundreds of sentient beings and space whales.  Somehow one flew into JW3, knocking dozens of ships out of the line to enter JW3, and it got lodged in the wormhole.  Normally, JW3 expands to fit the size of the ship, but the space whale came in too fast for the wormhole to expand.  It took workers half a day to wedge open the wormhole without losing their tools in the curvature of spacetime, but they eventually got the space whale through by cutting off its fins.  JW3 returned to normal functionality, and the space whale was eaten by the JNNKOs.

    MONGOLIA, Pegasus Galaxy – Upon further inspection of the mysterious pyramid on their moon, Mongolian scientists have discovered that the structure is thankfully not a doomsday weapon as they had feared.  Instead, the pyramid is actual an orifice for the moon, as it has somehow become a living organism.  It began excreting “fecal matter” from the pyramid, or at least that’s what the Mongolian scientists hoped.  They are currently looking for a mouth of some sort.

    LOQ, Andromeda Galaxy – The Loq Kingdom announced that they’ve purged their planet of all doomsday weapons and objects with the hopes of reducing the number of world-destroying plots by villains and invading races.  The last object, The Crystal Orb of Hogs, which has the power to control minds, was expelled to an undisclosed pocket dimension.  Before, Loq contained 28 doomsday objects at its height, some of which were hidden on Earth back in the 60s, and as a result was always in a battle for its planet’s survival.  The current Oh Regime, seeing this constant struggle, made the removal of these doomsday objects from its planet and star system a top priority.  “We’ve seen what this has done to our people,” said King Jol Um Oh, “and we’ve seen what this has done to similar planets like JNNKN and Earth.  It was dumb.  Stupid.  What the hog were we thinking?  They may advance science by leaps and bounds, but at what cost?”  While his reasoning is sensible, many leaders are certain King Oh kept at least one doomsday object for himself for emergencies.

    ASTEROID BELT 34, Pegasus Galaxy – Several asteroids suddenly sprouted tentacles and attacked travelers on vacation.  No word yet on what creatures are living in the asteroids or how many sentient beings were killed, but authorities have advised travelers to avoid asteroid belts for now as they figure out this tentacle situation.