The New Romford Free Press

Tag: clone

  • Mic-D Benefit Concert Thrills and Spills

    Mic-D Benefit Concert Thrills and Spills

    Mic-D file photo

    By Julia Crumpleman

    WHITE VALLEY – The Mic-D benefit concert for the victims of the Dino-Day Disaster, nicknamed #Mic-DDD on Twitter, went off without much of a hitch.  Until Mic-D came onstage.

    The benefit concert lasted five hours out at the Marias Amphitheatre outside of White Valley.  The venue was not damaged during the DDD as it was outside the radius of the Dino-Ray.  Over 20 musical acts and special guests were there to raise money for the victims of the DDD.  Beyoncé and Jay-Z performed a duet, U2 played a song with Coldplay, and Miley Cyrus twerked her hardest, all paying homage to the victims and their families.

    The main event, though, was the clone of Mic-D performing five songs for the first time on American soil.  The U.S. ban on clones is still in effect, but the Obama Administration made an exception for this case.

    Initially, Mic-D didn’t disappoint.  He performed his first three songs perfectly.  The crowd seemed to have forgotten that he was a clone of a dead man created by his best friend with or without consent from his family.  But when he started performing his fourth song, “D-Lite City,” things started to get sloppy according to those in the front row of the concert.

    “OMG,” said @AerostarMonk on Twitter, “Mic-D is gushing goo from his legs!  #GOO  #Mic-GOO #Mic-DDD”

    “Mic-D is spilling out of his pants, yo!” said @twittername2, on Twitter.  “It’s green and it’s everywhere!  I think I swallowed some!!  #Mic-DDD”

    Event organizers cut the feed as soon as Mic-D started to spill green goo from his legs, and with the broadcast on a tape delay to prevent any mishaps, it never actually made it to air.  But that didn’t stop dozens of people from tweeting pictures of it.  For legal reasons, we cannot show you the pictures, but we have seen them.

    “I don’t even know what that was,” said @LuluGumshoe, who live-tweeted the experience.  “At one point, he’s fine, the next, GREEN GOO EVERYWHERE.  It was like a pair of valves on the back of his legs or ass sprung a leak.  It was GUSHING.”

    “His handlers came out and dragged [him] offstage,” she continued.  “He seemed to go limp.  I guess green goo keeps him alive.”

    Mic-D’s handlers declined to comment on anything, even the health hazard to anyone who came in contact with the green goo.  Several concert-goers reported being sprayed with the goo and not getting much help from the event organizers.  No one has reported any illness so far.

    “This is why you don’t let no clones into your concerts,” said Kanye West, who was upset that he wasn’t invited to perform.  “You go for the real deal, and you get a real show, yo.  Green goo just don’t cut it.  I’m filled with real goo!”

  • After Android Fails, Mic-D Returns as Clone

    After Android Fails, Mic-D Returns as Clone

    By Stan Hopewell

    TIJUANA, Mexico – After rap mogul Gray Matter debuted an android of the late Mic-D last month, many people wondered about the ethics of such a decision.  Now, Gray Matter debuted his late partner as a clone at a concert in Tijuana.

    “People were complaining about his jerky movements,” said Gray Matter after the show, “but now he ain’t a robot.  Now he’s a real human being, yo!”

    Indeed, the cloned Mic-D’s movements were much more fluid than the android, but most concert-goers did not initially recognize that it wasn’t just an actor playing the part.  “From a hundred feet away, it’s just some dude, you know?” said Janet Mayer, an American who came to Tijuana to see this show.  It was a sentiment carried by most of the audience of 10,000, but afterwards, Gray Matter showed him off the media.

    “This is the real deal, my [expletive] [expletive],” he said.  “We’re going to blow this [expletive] up!”

    The Mic-D clone seemed overwhelmed by the attention, seeing as he was technically only two months old despite having an adult body.  Gray Matter didn’t allow him to speak or interact with the media and quickly ducked back into their tour bus without taking questions.

    One of the questions repeatedly asked was about the moral quandaries of resurrecting a deceased friend for monetary gain without the deceased’s consent.  Concert-goers seemed put off when they learned the news.  “Oh my God, I can’t believe he said that,” said Juanita Hermanos.  “Why can’t they leave the dead alone?  Don’t they know that’s bad luck?”

    “What?  No, that was just an actor, right?  No way someone would be so stupid to do that to their friend,” said Carlos Estes.

    “Ew,” said Stacy Paul.

    There were other lingering questions as well:  Where did the android go?  Where did Gray Matter get the money or genetic material to clone Mic-D?  Did his family consent to it?  And how is he going to tour the U.S., where cloning is illegal?  It’s no coincidence that the cloned Mic-D was debuted in Mexico.  He was likely bred there as well as Mexico has more lenient cloning laws.

    Reporters crowded Gray Matter’s tour bus, screaming questions at him.  The bus pulled away, and Gray Matter leaned out the window, flipping everyone off.  The cloned Mic-D did the same but used the wrong fingers.