By Julia Crumpleman
WHITE VALLEY – The Mic-D benefit concert for the victims of the Dino-Day Disaster, nicknamed #Mic-DDD on Twitter, went off without much of a hitch. Until Mic-D came onstage.
The benefit concert lasted five hours out at the Marias Amphitheatre outside of White Valley. The venue was not damaged during the DDD as it was outside the radius of the Dino-Ray. Over 20 musical acts and special guests were there to raise money for the victims of the DDD. Beyoncé and Jay-Z performed a duet, U2 played a song with Coldplay, and Miley Cyrus twerked her hardest, all paying homage to the victims and their families.
The main event, though, was the clone of Mic-D performing five songs for the first time on American soil. The U.S. ban on clones is still in effect, but the Obama Administration made an exception for this case.
Initially, Mic-D didn’t disappoint. He performed his first three songs perfectly. The crowd seemed to have forgotten that he was a clone of a dead man created by his best friend with or without consent from his family. But when he started performing his fourth song, “D-Lite City,” things started to get sloppy according to those in the front row of the concert.
“OMG,” said @AerostarMonk on Twitter, “Mic-D is gushing goo from his legs! #GOO #Mic-GOO #Mic-DDD”
“Mic-D is spilling out of his pants, yo!” said @twittername2, on Twitter. “It’s green and it’s everywhere! I think I swallowed some!! #Mic-DDD”
Event organizers cut the feed as soon as Mic-D started to spill green goo from his legs, and with the broadcast on a tape delay to prevent any mishaps, it never actually made it to air. But that didn’t stop dozens of people from tweeting pictures of it. For legal reasons, we cannot show you the pictures, but we have seen them.
“I don’t even know what that was,” said @LuluGumshoe, who live-tweeted the experience. “At one point, he’s fine, the next, GREEN GOO EVERYWHERE. It was like a pair of valves on the back of his legs or ass sprung a leak. It was GUSHING.”
“His handlers came out and dragged [him] offstage,” she continued. “He seemed to go limp. I guess green goo keeps him alive.”
Mic-D’s handlers declined to comment on anything, even the health hazard to anyone who came in contact with the green goo. Several concert-goers reported being sprayed with the goo and not getting much help from the event organizers. No one has reported any illness so far.
“This is why you don’t let no clones into your concerts,” said Kanye West, who was upset that he wasn’t invited to perform. “You go for the real deal, and you get a real show, yo. Green goo just don’t cut it. I’m filled with real goo!”