The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Dinosaur Queen’s Trial Pushed Back

By Chase Chapley NEW YORK – Dinosaur Queen’s trial, which was expected to begin next week, is being pushed back another two months as federal prosecutors and the State Department determine her legal status for her attack on New Romford. Dinosaur Queen has been imprisoned in an undisclosed location since being captured following the Dino-Day Disaster, which has led to 85 deaths (five more have died since the initial reports).  Her trial was moved away… Read More

Area Woman’s Daughter Is A Triceratops (Yes, Really)

By Chase Chapley Susan Wong thought she had lost her daughter during the Dino-Day Disaster.  She was nine-months pregnant at the time when she was transformed into a Triceratops, and like most of the city, she was confused and anxious, and her hormones didn’t help either.  Then she gave birth.  To an egg. “I was so excited to be a mother and was actually due in a week,” said Wong.  “My husband and I have… Read More

Some Neighborhoods Abandoned

By Buffy Bolivar It’s been several weeks since the Dino-Day Disaster, and most of New Romford has returned to functionality.  Power, water, and communications have returned, major thoroughfares have been cleared, and business has been normal for most residents.  There are still many side streets and buildings that need repair, but nothing that any New Romforder hasn’t experienced before. Even so, there are neighborhoods that are abandoned.  East Town, Jordan, and Virgin Heights were all… Read More

Dinosaur Queen T-Rex Caught Trying to Escape in Cargo Container

By Skip Daverman BOZEMAN, Montana – One of the Dinosaur Queen’s T-Rexes was caught by the Rocky Mountain Ranger inside the Museum of the Rockies after traveling thousands of miles in a cargo container. The T-Rex, a general in the Dinosaur Queen’s army according to its armor, was apparently riding in a cargo container of a train ever since the Dino-Day Disaster in New Romford.  It was not clear how it got itself into the… Read More

Memorial and Final Funerals

By Buffy Bolivar President Obama, Mayor Lawrence, Adonis, and several community leaders helmed the memorial service for the victims of the Dino-Day Disaster after the final funeral service. The death total reached 92 last week, and all missing citizens have been found.  The final funeral service was held this morning for Gabby Martinez, 32, who died in a collapsed building in Frankton. The memorial service was held at Two Rivers Park, near the World War… Read More

Mic-D Benefit Concert Thrills and Spills

By Julia Crumpleman WHITE VALLEY – The Mic-D benefit concert for the victims of the Dino-Day Disaster, nicknamed #Mic-DDD on Twitter, went off without much of a hitch.  Until Mic-D came onstage. The benefit concert lasted five hours out at the Marias Amphitheatre outside of White Valley.  The venue was not damaged during the DDD as it was outside the radius of the Dino-Ray.  Over 20 musical acts and special guests were there to raise… Read More

Tanya Morales Refuses Cybernetics to Become Advocate for Disabled

By Julia Crumpleman Wealthy socialite, Tanya Morales, daughter of famous actor Antonio Morales, is known more for late-night exploits than her social awareness.  But the Dino-Day Disaster changed all that as she explained to Oprah Winfrey for a special on OWN. “I was turned into a stegosaurus,” Morales said, “and I was stuck in my apartment on the 56th floor of the Walton Tower.  I was so big that I couldn’t go down the stairs… Read More