The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Ray Denver

  • ‘Reboot Man’ Reboots One Final Time, Flies into the Sun

    ‘Reboot Man’ Reboots One Final Time, Flies into the Sun

    rebootman
    File photo of Ray Denver as North-Star, many years and reboots ago.

    By Packie Williams

    CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – Ray Denver, the superhero currently known as Clayman yet more commonly known as Reboot Man, has had yet another reboot.  And then he flew into the sun.

    Denver had reportedly been living with Professor Carl Poughkeepsie in Charlotte, North Carolina, for the past several months.  Poughkeepsie, a geneticist specializing in sentient rocks, was trying to find a way to revert Denver back to his original human form.  Then, his lab exploded this morning with him and Denver caught in the blast.

    The cause of the blast came from Jandar, an alien warrior from an unknown galaxy.  He was reportedly after an artifact that Poughkeepsie kept in his laboratory, and he fired an energy beam from the sky.  Poughkeepsie died from the explosion, but Denver survived due to his malleable clay form.  Angered over the loss of his friend, Clayman attacked the alien.

    By this time, Jandar had grabbed the artifact, a glowing orb.  No one knows how Poughkeepsie obtained the orb or what it’s significance is to Jandar, but neither reason is likely a good one.

    Clayman and Jandar engaged in combat for several minutes.  Clayman had reportedly been injected with several chemicals during his time at the lab, and he was able to hold his own for much longer than expected.  For his part, Jandar was annoyed by Clayman more than anything.  He broke away and started flying upwards with the orb in tow, but Clayman grabbed onto his leg and flew up with him.

    A struggle ensued midair, and somehow, the orb started glowing brighter and brighter.  Then it cracked.  Clayman got sucked into the orb due to his malleable form, and he absorbed the energy inside.  He busted out of the orb, bathed in yellow light, and he no longer looked like Clayman.  He looked like Ray Denver again, but only glowing and nude.

    Jandar became furious that Denver stole the orb’s power and attacked him.  Denver punched him in the face and sent Jandar flying into space.  The battle was over.

    Denver went back to find Poughkeepsie’s body, and according to the professor, he touched him “with two fingers” on his chest and brought Poughkeepsie back to life.  With the professor reanimated, Denver started talking about “the light” and “nothing on Earth being relevant anymore.”

    “I didn’t understand one whit what he was saying,” said Poughkeepsie.  “Whatever the orb did to him made him almost fall in love with ‘the light.’  He was staring at the sun, looked back at me to say thanks, and flew off into the sun, all while stark naked.  I’ve seen some weird things in my life, but this has to be near the top.”

    Satellite imagery followed Denver as he did indeed fly into the sun.  So far, he has not flown back out of the sun, and reports from Saturn confirm that Jandar was flying past them, not having slowed down from Denver’s one punch.  The Peace Force has been informed that Jandar might return assuming he ever stops.

    As for Denver, “Well,” said Poughkeepsie, “I just hope the sun loves him as much as he does it.  Kids these days.”

  • ‘Reboot Man’ Caught Impersonating Muskrat

    ‘Reboot Man’ Caught Impersonating Muskrat

    rebootman
    File photo of Denver in his previous identity, North-Star

    By Buffy Borgeron

    NEW YORK – Clayman, the superhero more commonly known as “Reboot Man” for the numerous “reboots” he’s experienced, was caught in New York today impersonating fellow superhero Muskrat while stopping a convenience store robbery in Brooklyn.

    Denied membership in several superhero teams months ago, Ray Denver, now known as Clayman, has been struggling to make a living as a superhero.  He declared he would patrol the Northeast, presumably as himself, to build up his profile.  Nowhere did he mention he would impersonate other superheroes.

    “Ray sometimes morphs into a known superhero to catch bad guys off guard,” read a statement from Denver’s “team,” though most experts believe Denver wrote it himself.  “When he does this, it’s just for strategic purposes.  Eventually, his clay powers manifest in battle, and it becomes evident that he is Clayman.  That is all.”

    But the superhero community isn’t buying it.  In the past two weeks, there have been several incidents of the superheroes Titana, Muskrat, Professor Stratosphere, Tara Target, and others in New York and Philadelphia, cities these superheroes don’t typically visit.

    “It damages our reputation,” said Tara Target from the Quinton School for Young Superheroes.  “People will only see part of the battle, and they’ll see me or the Muskrat, and they’ll think it’s us.  It wouldn’t be so bad except that Clayman is such a terrible fighter.  He puts innocent bystanders in danger on a regular basis.  At the school here, our first lesson is to protect the innocent even at the cost to yourself or capturing the criminal.  We drill that into everyone everyday, and Clayman completely disregards that.”

    These incidents have sent 13 people to the hospital for various injuries.  The New York and Philadelphia police departments have put out warrants for Titana and Muskrat, respectively, for their supposed incidents, but given the recent revelation that Clayman has been impersonating superheroes, those warrants have now shifted to Denver.

    The incident that revealed Denver’s tactics happened last night when he attempted to stop a robbery of a Brooklyn convenience store.  Surveillance cameras show him morphing into Muskrat and barging into the store.  The assailants fired at “Muskrat,” and he absorbed the bullets and spat them back.  The bullets hit the assailants knocking them onto the ground but also hit a bystander in the back of the store.  Everyone survived, but “Muskrat” ran away from the store before police could arrive.

    The real Muskrat could not be reached for comment, but his lawyer has said his client is “very disappointed in his fellow superhero”.

  • “Reboot Man” Denied Entrance to Meetings

    “Reboot Man” Denied Entrance to Meetings

    By Stan Hopewell

    rebootman
    File photo: Denver as North-Star

    The superhero dubbed “Reboot Man” by the press tried to gain entrance to the Atlantis-Peace Force Meetings but was turned away due to lack of clearance.

    Ray Denver, known as “Reboot Man” for his numerous identity changes over the past few years, started his superhero career as Star-Man.  He gained the powers of flight, super-strength, energy blasts, and energy manipulation from a pulsar while exploring Alpha Centauri.  This identity only lasted three months before the original Star-Man, Dan Stewart, spoke out against him using his old moniker.

    Denver relinquished his first identity and took up the name of North-Star, a name and costume inspired by the star Polaris.  He enjoyed a rather successful career in this guise and joined the Peace Force.  But this identity came to an end eight months later when he died fighting the Sparlox in deep space.

    Somehow, Denver was resurrected several months later in an explosion above the moon, which no one has been able to fully explain.  This time his powers included teleportation, and he became Portal-Man.  Unfortunately, one month later, he accidentally teleported himself into the bedrock below the Rocky Mountains of Colorado.

    Then, Denver absorbed the rocks to become Rock-Man, whose rock-based powers lasted only four months after he was caught in a mudslide in California and dissolved into the Sacramento River.  Five months later, he had absorbed the mud and clay from the river and can now apparently shapeshift.  He calls himself Clayman, and no one at Peace Force Headquarters recognizes him.

    “I’m a member,” he said.  “They know me.  I’ve fought side-by-side with them.  I even shapeshifted into my North-Star body and let them scan my mind.  They know I’m telling the truth.”

    Denver seemed depressed leaving the building.  He expressed how he thought he was dead in the Sacramento River and tried to convey how terrifying it was to become mud and clay.  According to him, it was a dark, wet experience that made him feel helpless.  Once he gained control of his newfound abilities, he turned into an eagle and flew across the country.  Denver acknowledged how often he’s changed identities and powers, holding back mud tears, but said it’s out of his control.  “How many of them control how they got their powers?” he said.  “How many of them have had reboots?  If it weren’t for one dumb thing or another, half of them wouldn’t even be in there.”

    Clayman, as he preferred to be called, left PFHQ in disgust.  When asked about a former member being turned away, Cloudwalker said, “He’s a shapeshifter.  After what happened last year, a creepy shapeshifter is the last thing we need.”