By Packie Williams
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina – Ray Denver, the superhero currently known as Clayman yet more commonly known as Reboot Man, has had yet another reboot. And then he flew into the sun.
Denver had reportedly been living with Professor Carl Poughkeepsie in Charlotte, North Carolina, for the past several months. Poughkeepsie, a geneticist specializing in sentient rocks, was trying to find a way to revert Denver back to his original human form. Then, his lab exploded this morning with him and Denver caught in the blast.
The cause of the blast came from Jandar, an alien warrior from an unknown galaxy. He was reportedly after an artifact that Poughkeepsie kept in his laboratory, and he fired an energy beam from the sky. Poughkeepsie died from the explosion, but Denver survived due to his malleable clay form. Angered over the loss of his friend, Clayman attacked the alien.
By this time, Jandar had grabbed the artifact, a glowing orb. No one knows how Poughkeepsie obtained the orb or what it’s significance is to Jandar, but neither reason is likely a good one.
Clayman and Jandar engaged in combat for several minutes. Clayman had reportedly been injected with several chemicals during his time at the lab, and he was able to hold his own for much longer than expected. For his part, Jandar was annoyed by Clayman more than anything. He broke away and started flying upwards with the orb in tow, but Clayman grabbed onto his leg and flew up with him.
A struggle ensued midair, and somehow, the orb started glowing brighter and brighter. Then it cracked. Clayman got sucked into the orb due to his malleable form, and he absorbed the energy inside. He busted out of the orb, bathed in yellow light, and he no longer looked like Clayman. He looked like Ray Denver again, but only glowing and nude.
Jandar became furious that Denver stole the orb’s power and attacked him. Denver punched him in the face and sent Jandar flying into space. The battle was over.
Denver went back to find Poughkeepsie’s body, and according to the professor, he touched him “with two fingers” on his chest and brought Poughkeepsie back to life. With the professor reanimated, Denver started talking about “the light” and “nothing on Earth being relevant anymore.”
“I didn’t understand one whit what he was saying,” said Poughkeepsie. “Whatever the orb did to him made him almost fall in love with ‘the light.’ He was staring at the sun, looked back at me to say thanks, and flew off into the sun, all while stark naked. I’ve seen some weird things in my life, but this has to be near the top.”
Satellite imagery followed Denver as he did indeed fly into the sun. So far, he has not flown back out of the sun, and reports from Saturn confirm that Jandar was flying past them, not having slowed down from Denver’s one punch. The Peace Force has been informed that Jandar might return assuming he ever stops.
As for Denver, “Well,” said Poughkeepsie, “I just hope the sun loves him as much as he does it. Kids these days.”