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Martian-Americans Arrested for “Cheating” in Vegas

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By Buffy Bolivar

LAS VEGAS – Twelve Martian-Americans were arrested for cheating at several blackjack tables at the Rio Hotel & Casino using “Martian powers,” which they do not possess.

After selling their land to oil companies, the Martian-Americans of North Dakota were flush with cash.  Some are traveling the world, some have relocated to Miami and New York, and some have moved to Las Vegas.  Over the past several weeks, they’ve become world-class gamblers.  The casinos took notice.

“At first they were welcomed here with open arms,” said Lance Koblich, reporter for the Las Vegas Sentinel.  “Especially on the Strip.  People would take pictures with them, and they were just having fun.  And the city wants to build a spaceport in the future, so the city and county were eager to have them here, show that Vegas was an intergalactic destination.”

The Martian-Americans loved to gamble and took to blackjack in particular.  Initially, they had the same luck as most patrons, but they quickly became masters at the game.  Night after night, they won more than they lost.  That’s when the casinos became suspicious.

“One night, six of them pulled in $35,000 at the Rio,” said Koblich.  “They’ve only been in town for a couple weeks and apparently have never played blackjack before.  And they bragged about it, too.”

The casinos started following their activities, and after another big payday, $26,000, the Rio called the police.  Twelve Martian-Americans were arrested on suspicion of cheating.  Neither the Rio nor the police would comment on how exactly the Martian-Americans cheated, but sources reported they cheated via Martian telepathy, skin color manipulation, and X-Ray vision.   Martians do not possess any of these powers.

“It’s just ignorance and bigotry,” said Lo’m Carter, now living in Miami.  “We win at your games at your casinos, and the only way we can do that is through superpowers?  We don’t have any superpowers.  At best we can withstand the heat and cold better than you humans.  How about we’re just good at your stupid games?  How about you don’t treat us like monsters?”

The ACLU is providing legal counsel for the twelve Martian-Americans, and the twelve have already posted bail.

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