The New Romford Free Press

Your most superheroic news source.


Martin A. Martian Buys Vegas Casino After False Accusations of Cheating

By Buffy Bolivar LAS VEGAS – After an incident last week at the Rio Hotel & Casino that Martian-Americans supposedly cheated at blackjack using their non-existent “Martian powers,” Martin A. Martian, a Martian-American, has bought that casino. After oil companies bought their land in North Dakota, many Martian-Americans came to Las Vegas to celebrate, and they won a lot of money at the blackjack tables at the Rio.  The casino became suspicious and had them… Read More

Martian-Americans Arrested for “Cheating” in Vegas

By Buffy Bolivar LAS VEGAS – Twelve Martian-Americans were arrested for cheating at several blackjack tables at the Rio Hotel & Casino using “Martian powers,” which they do not possess. After selling their land to oil companies, the Martian-Americans of North Dakota were flush with cash.  Some are traveling the world, some have relocated to Miami and New York, and some have moved to Las Vegas.  Over the past several weeks, they’ve become world-class gamblers. … Read More

Oil Companies Buy Martians North Dakotan Land

By Buffy Bolivar MARS, North Dakota – The Martians of North Dakota no longer own the land given to them by the U.S. government nearly 70 years ago.  Oil companies have bought their land. With western North Dakota in the throes of an oil boom, all the major oil companies have bought large plots of land.  Human farmers have become millionaires over the past decade, and now the oil companies are expanding.  Their latest purchase… Read More

Mars Flight Home Fundraiser Underway

By Skip Daverman MARS, North Dakota – After 70 years, the Martian-Americans may be able to visit their home world, but only if a fundraising effort can meet its goal. In 1940 The Martian Galactic Army invaded Earth in an attempt to colonize the planet.  The combined efforts of the world’s militaries and the Crimebusters (the precursor to the Peace Force) were able to stop the invasion, but several Martians aided the human resistance as… Read More