The New Romford Free Press

Author: Greg

  • U.S. Relaxes Restrictions on Clones for Mic-D Tribute Concert

    U.S. Relaxes Restrictions on Clones for Mic-D Tribute Concert

    After android fails, Mic-D returns as clone.
    Mic-D file photo.

    By Stan Hopewell

    WASHINGTON – The U.S. government relaxed its restrictions on clones entering the country today so that the clone of Mic-D can perform a tribute concert for the Dino-Day Disaster.

    The U.S. government bans the creation of any new human, humanoid, or sentient lifeforms within its borders and also restricts the entrance of any clones created outside the U.S.  After several incidents with clones of superheroes and supervillains, which have cost hundreds of lives and billions of dollars in property damage, Congress banned all new clones in 1993.  Any clone created outside the U.S. can only enter on a very strict basis, usually for “extreme circumstances”.  Clones who were created before 1993 are allowed to live as normal citizens but are closely monitored.

    Allowing the clone of rapper Mic-D, who was created in Mexico, to enter U.S. borders for a tribute concert shows that the government is willing to relax its restrictions.  “I don’t think a tribute concert counts as an ‘extreme circumstance’,” said legal expert, Maria Bramford.  “What it says is that the American government is willing to work with clones and to give them more equal treatment, just like they’d give any original person.”

    Some people aren’t pleased by the restriction.  “It goes against all of our morals and ethics,” said John Jefferson of the Heritage Federation.  “Cloning should not be encouraged in any way, shape, or form.  There may be some ‘normal’ clones out there, and they may contribute to society as a whole, but they’re not natural.”

    The relaxation seems to show the U.S. government is willing to work with clones as they do original humans in hopes of reaping the economic benefits that may come from it.  Edward von Eschen, CEO of Eschen Technologies, cloned himself five years ago and was able to double his company’s productivity and increased its profits by 30%.  “Von Eschen is the perfect example,” said Bramford.  “That’s what the U.S. government ultimately wants.  The profits from cloned elites to propel our economy into the future, but it’s a delicate balancing act as cloning is still a taboo subject here.”

    “Plus, that Mic-D clone, a clone of a dead person, is just creepy, so I get that side, too.”

    Related Stories
    Mic-D returns as Clone
    Dead Rapper returns as android

  • New Romford Mourns, Rebuilds

    New Romford Mourns, Rebuilds

    By Buffy Bolivar

    With the Dino-Day Disaster in the past, it’s time for New Romford to rebuild and mourn.

    As with most major superhuman events, the city has come to a standstill in the wake of the attack.  Most businesses are closed and will remain so for several weeks or months to come.  The city, National Guard, and Peace Force are helping with the clean-up and rescue effort.  At least 12,000 buildings and 8,000 roads are estimated to have been damaged in some way.  Power, water, sewers, and communications have also been damaged, and it may take weeks before they are fully restored.

    This all pales in comparison to the human toll.  City officials put the death toll from the Dino-Day Disaster at 79, and there are still hundreds missing.  Some died at the claws and tail spikes of the Dino Army, but most died simply by being in a structure that wasn’t meant to hold dinosaurs.  One subway worker got stuck in a tunnel and suffocated when he couldn’t escape.  A crew of eight sailors were in Windsor Bay when they all changed, sinking with their boat.  Others died by changing into a large dinosaur while inside a building, damaging its structural integrity.  When they changed back into humans, the building collapsed and crushed them inside.

    That said, this is nothing New Romford hasn’t seen or experienced before, and the city has come back from worse disasters.  The New Day attack of 2006 claimed 304 lives, and the Chymeran Incursion of 1976 claimed 543 lives.  New Romford survived and prospered after those disasters, and it will survive and prosper after the Dinosaur Queen’s attack.

  • Home

    Home

    By Chase Chapley

    Well, gang, thank you for reading my blog during this crisis.  I’m going home to find my wife, Charlene.  I was able to get a hold of her via a land line, and she’s safe.  This has been quite the ordeal, a weird one even by our standards.

    I hope everyone is safe and with loved ones.  We are New Romford, and we know how to survive.  Any breaking news will come from one of my colleagues.  Find someplace safe to sleep tonight.  Tomorrow, we rebuild.

    Good night.

  • PHOTO: 4th Avenue Bridge Collapsed

    By Chase Chapley

    We just got this photo of the 4th Avenue Bridge from the Channel 8 News Copter.  It collapsed yesterday.  Click for the full size photo.

    bridgedownweb

  • Last of Dino Army Captured

    Last of Dino Army Captured

    By Chase Chapley

    With the Dinosaur Queen captured, the remaining members of the Dino Army have given themselves up to authorities.  The raptors and T-Rexes went down easily, and the flying members of the Peace Force have been captured the pterodactyls in a net.  The brachiosauruses, though, proved difficult to corral since they are huge.  Dr. Amazing appears to have set up a dimensional portal of some sort, and they went into it with a little prodding from Titana.

    The U.S. Army set up supply points at various intersections, providing food, water, and blankets to anyone in need.  The Red Cross has come in and set up medical bays as well.  The Mayor has announced these points for shelter.  Power is still out in many places, and hundreds, if not thousands, of buildings have been destroyed.  It’s going to be months before most structures are safe to reenter.  Also, sanitation is going to be an issue as dinosaur-sized feces are literally everywhere.

    It looks like we’ve escaped another disaster, but we’re not out of the woods yet.

  • Search for Survivors

    Search for Survivors

    By Chase Chapley

    I’m back in my office, and on the way, I noticed several buildings that had collapsed.  Firemen, police officers, robots from New Romford University, and regular citizens themselves were digging through debris.  They were looking for survivors.

    It hadn’t occurred to me, but how many people are trapped in collapsed buildings?  The structural integrity of many buildings were compromised when people suddenly gained body mass.  Suppose that building didn’t collapse immediately, like my office, and only stayed together because a two-ton dinosaur was stuck in place.  Now shrink that dinosaur back to a normal human size, and the building is going to cave.

    How many people are trapped?  What about planes, trains, and ships?  I haven’t heard about any plane or train crashes, thankfully, but what about ships?  New Romford is a major port.  I wonder if any sank, and if any of those humans changed into sea-based dinosaurs.  Everyone here on land seemed to transform into a land or air-based dinosaur.  I can only hope the same can be said for sailors.

    Now, I’m purely speculating, and I don’t mean to alarm anyone any more than I have.  But if you’re near a collapsed building, help out the authorities any way you can.

  • Temporary Shelter Locations

    Temporary Shelter Locations

    By Chase Chapley

    Mayor Lawrence has announced several major locations for temporary shelter locations for tonight, and possibly longer if need be.

    “First and foremost, don’t enter your home if it isn’t safe,” he said.  “We just survived a nightmare, and we don’t want any further nightmares just because we think we’re safe now.  If you’re not confident in your home’s structural integrity, we will be setting up temporary shelters in parks, schools, stadiums, and arena.  Please remain calm as we work to give everyone some place safe to sleep tonight.”

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