The New Romford Free Press

Category: Local

  • A Note About the ‘FROGS FROGS FROGS’ Article

    By Chase Chapley

    As many of you have no doubt seen, we had an article posted that was entitled “FROGS FROGS FROGS” and consisted of primarily the word “frogs” with a smattering of “GORM”.  I will attempt to explain this bizarre situation to the best of my abilities.

    I was placed under a magic spell along with many of my colleagues here in the office.  We assume that the source of the spell was a being named “GORM,” though we’re still waiting on confirmation from the NRPD, ATOM Labs, and the Peace Force.  This name does not appear in our databases of magical beings, but given the fact for three hours “frogs” was the only word we could speak or type, it’s possible any mention of a “GORM” could’ve been wiped away.

    We all vaguely remember a battle taking place across the street from our offices involving The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, and we can see signs of battle in the streets.  I’m sure many of you in our part of New Romford, in Shorefront, felt the same feeling as us once you realized that you could only speak or type “frogs”.  From what we can gather, the battle didn’t last near our offices for more than a few seconds before The Magnificent Magician, Magicimo®, and, presumably, GORM teleported away to another realm.

    Whatever happened, one of our articles about a different incident was written in all “frogs” and was published to the site.  We can’t remember what the original story was about, and we cannot to delete the “frogs” story either.  Our IT department has tried everything to remove the story—they even tried uploading the base site code without any articles—but to no avail.  It’s probably under a magic spell as well.

    So “FROGS FROGS FROGS” will remain a part of this site for the time being.  We’ll tag this story with “frogs” to match the previous story and hope for the best.  We apologize for any confusion.

  • FROGS FROGS FROGS

    FROGS FROGS FROGS

    frogs

    Frogs Frogs Frogs

    Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs.

    Frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  “Frogs frogs frogs,” frogs Frogs Frogs, frogs frogs Frogs Frogs Frogs.  “Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs!”

    Frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs (frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs), frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs.

    GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs.

    “Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs GORM,” frogs Frogs Frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  “Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.”

    “GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs!”

    Frogs frogs frogs GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.  Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs.

    “Frogs frogs frogs,” frogs Frogs.  “GORM frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs, frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.”

    “Frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs frogs.”

  • Telepath Thief Pleads Not Guilty

    Telepath Thief Pleads Not Guilty

    By Chase Chapley

    Parker Doyle, the telepath who robbed dozens of homes in Dukes over the past several months, pled not guilty at his arraignment this morning.  He’s accused of 35 counts of larceny and 21 counts of unlawful entry of the brain.

    Doyle was captured by the Peace Force and NRPD a week ago after several months on the loose.  Professor George Quinton, the world’s greatest telepath, was tipped off to his activity through an acquaintance.  Recognizing the activity of a telepath, Quinton mind scanned Dukes for the specific brainwave frequency telepaths use to find Doyle.  The Peace Force and NRPD surrounded his apartment and made the arrest.

    Since then, Doyle has been wearing an inhibitor collar to block his telepathy.  At his arraignment, he pled not guilty to the charges against him, though legal experts don’t expect a lengthy trial.

    “He had millions of dollars worth of stolen goods and cash in his apartment when he was arrested,” said Burt Montana, legal analyst.  “It’s hard to deny that you were the one stealing all these people’s life savings when you don’t even keep it hidden in your apartment.  I guess he was using his telepathy to make people not see it.”

    Doyle‘s trial is set for four months from now.  The NRPD haven’t released any more information regarding his motives or plans for what he stole.

  • Local News Roundup 10.19.15

    Local News Roundup 10.19.15

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    By Chase Chapley

    TOMPKINS SQUARE, Norwoods – The Comedy District was hit last night, robbed of its laughter by sad clown supervillain, Pagliacci.  It was a typical night at the two dozen comedy clubs and cellars up and down Missouri Road, when out of nowhere people stopped laughing, and the comedians lost all their setups, timing, and punchlines.  Everyone was aware of the awkwardness of the situation, and without the soothing effect of laughter, even the nervous kind, people began to sob.  Outside, Pagliacci, who is perpetually sobbing, was using a contraption to suck up all of the laughs from the clubs and cellars.  When the police tried to intervene, Pagliacci pointed his contraption at the cops, making them fall to their knees, sobbing.  It’s not known how Pagliacci was making this happen exactly, but one witness said that he unhooked the bottle connected to his contraption and drank the liquid that was in it.  He reportedly stopped sobbing, smiled for a brief moment, and then went back to sobbing.  No one knows where he went, but the people at the clubs and cellars returned to normal this morning.  The long-term side effects of the contraption are unknown.

    LEEDS – A motorcycle gang known as the Furious Five, perplexingly consisting of eight members, rode into Jerry’s Diner on Lewis Avenue this morning.  They came in and ate breakfast at the diner, tipping their waitress $100 according to the Diner.  No crime was committed, but the police were called on account that all eight members of the Furious Five had burning skulls for their heads.  After a long discussion with the police, the gang was allowed to leave seeing as they didn’t have criminal records on this plane of existence.

    UNIVERSITY DISTRICT, Dukes – 26 New Romford University students were arrested last night after allegedly breaking into ATOM Labs.  The facility’s security cameras caught them jumping over the outer wall, and the facility’s security drones caught them as they were running across the lawn.  One student made his way into the main facility and, evading the security inside, found his way to the three scientists still stuck in the adhesive.  Unprepared for this, two security drones sprayed him with expanding foam, and he was hauled outside to be arrested by the police.  All 26 students were drunk.

  • Meyers Hired 7 Supervillains to Stage 18 Fake Rescues

    Meyers Hired 7 Supervillains to Stage 18 Fake Rescues

    By Falco Rockbert

    While the surprising news that famous news reporter, Michelle Meyers, was involved in a kidnapping a week ago is still kept secret by law, the bigger revelation of her ties to supervillains is starting to unravel itself.

    meyers
    Michelle Meyers

    The NRPD have said that Meyers hired at least 7 different supervillains to stage 18 fake “rescue situations” for her.  They interviewed the Master of Disaster and Keymaster, the last two supervillains Adonis “rescued” her from, in prison, and both confessed to being paid by Meyers.  In exchange for shorter sentences, they told the police and the DA how they were contacted, how they coordinated their actions, and how they were paid.  Using this method, the NRPD were able to locate wire transfers and large cash withdrawals on 18 separate occasions over the past five years.  The Master of Disaster was her most popular supervillain to employ, having paid him on 8 occasions.

    With payment records, the police were able to identify 18 “rescue situations”, and then it was just a matter of looking back at each situation.  The five other supervillains were Lightning Bug (3 situations), The Tortoise (2 situations), Mary Marauder (1 situation), Baby Bouncer (1 situation), and The Bee’s Knees (1 situation).  Keymaster was hired for 2 situations.

    Why Meyers would go to such lengths is not being discussed by the NRPD as it seems to be linked to the kidnapping.  For years, it’s been rumored that Meyers and Adonis were in a romantic relationship, but perhaps their relationship had soured in the past five years.  Whether the kidnapping and the “rescue situations” are related has not been disclosed, as the police are still in an ongoing investigation.

    Adonis was available for comment, and the Peace Force would not issue a comment.

  • Multiplier Clones His Way Out of Police Custody

    Multiplier Clones His Way Out of Police Custody

    By Packie Williams

    The multiplier, who stole the rare quantillium shipment several weeks ago, was caught by the NRPD in a raid in an East Town tenement, until he cloned his way out of police custody.

    The raid by the NRPD began yesterday afternoon after a tip was received to gang activity in the Hoffman Tenement.  It’s not known who the police were going in after, but sources said that the multiplier was not part of the tip-off.  The police did not say who they arrested, but the only superhuman was the multiplier.

    Police barged in and began firing stun beams to subdue the alleged gang members.  After a short fight, the gang members, caught by surprise, surrendered.  The multiplier, whose identity is still unknown, was among those arrested.  The NRPD proceeded to pack the 14 alleged gang members into police vans, and it was at this moment that the multiplier began multiplying.

    In a matter of seconds, one man turned into 24, overwhelming the police.  He even sent three officers flying 15 feet into the air.  The multipliers fought some of the remaining officers, got into the police vans, and drove away.  Some multipliers ran away on foot, generating more clones to make their escape.

    Only one alleged gang member didn’t make the escape.  Sources identified him as Sam “Juggsy” Jalone, a low-level henchman and gun trafficker.  He’s been taken into custody for questioning.  Police are asking the public to be on the lookout for men who look the same (assuming they aren’t twins or triplets).

  • Project INFINITY Journal: Dimension 1

    Project INFINITY Journal: Dimension 1

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    By Tarani Kapoor

    As Project INFINITY explores the multiverse, team leader Tarani Kapoor writes about their travels into the unknown.  We’ll bring you select excerpts from her journal as ATOM Labs provides them to us.

    DIMENSION 1

    Our first jump into the multiverse was bumpy.  Even though we’ve all jumped before to a controlled pocket dimension, it is still difficult to jump into the unknown.  Jitters were in everyone, including myself, but the atmospheric conditions of the first dimension were promising.  We landed in Dimension 1.

    This world seemed quite similar to ours at first glance.  We were in an alternate version of New Romford:  skyscrapers, superheroes in the skies, humans walking dogs (and not the other way around as Karen, our doctor, insists we’ll see one day).  As far as an introductory alternate universe goes, this was ideal.

    After changing into our street clothes, we broke off into two teams to explore the city with the mission of finding out what differentiated this dimension from our own.  John, Kathleen, and Jennifer accompanied me, and Maria led the others, Karen, Samantha, and Michael.  Through our travels, it was clear that people here spoke English and had similar technology to ours.  There were slight differences in the cosmetic looks of their phones, cars, and clothing, but everything seemed to work in the same way.  Maria’s team reported similar findings.

    My group became thirsty after two hours of exploration, and since we were in a hospitable dimension, we decided to try some local drinks.  But we didn’t have money from this dimension.  To prevent Jennifer’s more extreme methods, John suggested a little ruse he used to do when he was a child.  Basically, he grifted.  I won’t go into any more detail than that, as I didn’t approve of this tactic, but it did provide us with a small amount of money.  We went into a convenience store and purchased some sodas and juice so we could compare them to what we knew from Home Dimension.

    John bought a Coke while I had a Pepsi.  Kathleen had an orange juice, and Jennifer had a coconut water.  Their two drinks tasted the same as what was found in our world, but John and I immediately recognized something off in our drinks.  For one, my Pepsi was clear.  John’s Coke didn’t taste like Coca-Cola Classic, and it dawned on him that he was drinking New Coke.  He remembered it from the 80s, and then I knew that my drink was Crystal Pepsi.  We checked the dates on the cans to make sure we weren’t drinking outdated sodas, and no, they had future dates.

    Later on, we met up with the other team and relayed our findings.  They found a similar city to our Home Dimension, but they noticed billboards for long-dead television shows, failed musical acts, and sequels to movie flops from our dimension.  The Cavemen TV show was going into its ninth season on ABC, Chris Gaines was on tour promoting his sixth album, and Snow Dogs 7 was coming out in the next few months.  It had become apparent what made this dimension different:  it enjoyed pieces of culture that failed in our world.

    Using some more of the money John “acquired” for us, we sampled food from one of the many Planet Hollywoods that were sprinkled throughout this city as if it were as popular as Applebee’s or Starbucks.  It was surreal to see so many Planet Hollywoods in New Romford, let alone seeing how busy they all were.  And that didn’t even include all the movie memorabilia on the walls from all the Snow Dog movies as well as from the apparent Pluto Nash and Battlefield Earth franchises.  As expected, the food (standard American fare) tasted awful, but the locals enjoyed it.

    Curiously, the local museums showcased fine art similar to our world, but as it was getting late, we decided to leave the question as to when cultural tastes changed to future explorers.  We found a park to camp out for the night along with hundreds of other homeless individuals.  At least this dimension doesn’t harass their homeless who sleep in the park.