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Scientists Accustomed to Living in Adhesive

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By Muffy Borgeron

It’s been several weeks since the three ATOM Labs scientists got stuck in their own experimental adhesive, KR-1078, but even with the inconvenience, they’ve grown accustomed to their situation.

“I wouldn’t call it ideal conditions,” said Carl Michaelson, one of the three scientists, “but it’s not so bad once you get used to it.  We’re waited on hand and foot by robots all day, and we’re finally getting work done that’s been piling up on our desks for years.  So not so bad, all things considered.”

Conditions have improved so much that ATOM Labs has allowed the three scientists, Michaelson, Denise Detroit, and Margo Doll, to speak to the media.  There was one caveat though:  no pictures were to be taken out of deference for Dr. Detroit, who is “kneeling” in an unflattering position.

“The biggest thing to get used to,” said Detroit, “was not letting the blood rush to my head.  But I got this pillow to rest my head on, so that helps a lot.  And they gave me this stylus so that I can click things on my iPad with my mouth.”

“And my one advantage over my colleagues is that I don’t have to see the robots clean up my butt when they change my diaper.”  Michaelson and Doll wouldn’t comment on wearing diapers, though they didn’t dispute Detroit’s comment.

Despite growing accustomed to their situation, they don’t want to stay this way forever.  They’re getting cramps and sore muscles, and the sound of machinery during the night disturbs their sleep.  Dr. Amazing and Micro-Man have both been working non-stop to find a way to break through KR-1078.  Although neither scientist would give an estimate on a solution, they said one was coming “soon”.

“I’m pretty flexible,” said Doll.  “I’ve lived here for two weeks, so I think I can live here another two weeks.  But the absolute worst part about this is all the itches I can’t scratch.  I can’t scratch my face, my arms, my legs, my back.  Nothing.  If I can’t get some microbots to crawl to my itches, I’m going to go crazy.”