The New Romford Free Press

Tag: Ask Julia

  • Ask Julia: Telepathic Protection

    Ask Julia: Telepathic Protection

    askjulia

    By Julia Crumpleman

    Today’s question comes from Brandon:

    Dear Julia, I keep seeing these flyers for “telepathic protection classes.”  Are these worth the money, or are they just scams?

    Good question, Brandon!  Telepathy is a tricky subject to tackle, even for superheroes.  U.N. estimates there are about 200 telepaths in the world, maybe more, making up a very small portion of the world’s population.  The majority of these people are low-level telepaths with limited range and power.  The big guns, like Professor Quinton, are rare and usually have other things on their mind, so to speak.  Being caught in a psychic attack of any sort is a super rare occurrence even by superhero standards.

    But protecting yourself isn’t a bad idea, either.  These telepathic protection classes promise to “keep your mind safe and clear from any intruders,” but the American Psychology Association has raised serious doubts about their practices.  Namely, how do you know if the instructor can be trusted?  Who says that eloquent, bald man isn’t poking around in your head for juicy tidbits while proclaiming to set up mental barriers?  And it’s not like you can test out your new mental barriers to know if they work until someone actually tries to read your mind.  By then it could be too late.  Still, the APA is constantly evaluating these classes and their methods, so be sure to check out their website for more information.

    If you’re still worried about possibly psychic attacks, then you may want to look into technological barriers.  Telepathy blockers are being introduced into the market, and they look just like Bluetooth headsets.  Just hook one to your ear, and it provides mental protection (according to the manufacturers of course).  There are even larger models that you can set up at home much like a home security system.  They’re based on models used for military and government facilities, so they should provide some protection for you at home.

    Happy thoughts, Brandon!

  • Ask Julia: Moving to New Romford

    Ask Julia: Moving to New Romford

    askjulia

    By Julia Crumpleman

    Today’s question comes from Nora:

    Dear Julia, my husband and I just moved into our new home here in New Romford, the Norwoods borough, specifically Holland.  We’ve done a lot of research on our own about the big city, but we hardly ever get superheroes in Indiana.  What should we do to protect ourselves and our home?  Thanks!

    Nora, let me be the first to welcome you to New Romford!  Moving here is a big adjustment for most people, so there may be a little culture shock at first.  While we’ll get supervillains, space aliens, and the occasional visit from Atlantis (which happens tomorrow by the way—steer clear of downtown) or some other non-human contingent, the eye candy should smooth over any worries you may have.

    Thankfully, Holland is a peaceful neighborhood as far as superhuman activity goes.  Most of that stuff happens downtown, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t remain vigilant.  Obviously, lock your doors, always carry a cell phone, and be aware of your surroundings.  You never know when a rampaging Vandal from the 5th century or a rock creature from the Blue Lagoon might appear.  This happens more frequently than you may think.

    Your first order of business should be to get superhuman insurance.  This is a separate policy that you’ll need to buy as most insurance companies don’t provide coverage (think of it like flood insurance).  There are several superhuman insurance companies in New Romford, so pick the one that’s right for you.  Trust me, you’ll be glad to have it when Adonis or Titana uses your car to bludgeon Binaro into submission.  On the subject of Adonis, please only yell for help when you really need it.  He can hear your screams from anywhere in the city, and he is a very busy superhero.

    The unfortunate truth is that there isn’t much you can do to protect yourself, your husband, or your home.  Most superhumans are powerful enough to bust through steel walls, and I doubt your house is made of titanium.  The best thing that you can do is to be prepared and go about your day.  Most New Romforders never see a battle in person, anyway.

    But keep a suitcase filled with clothes, water, food, and supplies that you can grab at a moment’s notice in your home or car just in case you have to flee from an alien invasion or some such thing.

    Welcome to New Romford!