Tag: election

  • Atlantean General Behind Laval Attack, Arrested; Elections to Be Held in 2 Weeks

    Atlantean General Behind Laval Attack, Arrested; Elections to Be Held in 2 Weeks

    atlmap2web

    By Skip Daverman

    PANAMA CANAL – In an abrupt turn of events, a rogue Atlantean General was arrested for staging the Laval attack on the Atlantis-Pacifica meetings, and King Morn A’Ganor has agreed to holding an election for Pacifica’s independence two weeks from now.

    With the aid of Adonis, Titana, and Micro-Man, who’s been in hiding during the investigation into the attack, Atlantean and Pacifican forces joined together to arrest Jor Q’Rell, a high-ranking General in the Atlantean military.  Suspicions that Atlantis was behind the attack had been bubbling for some time now, and using his diminutive size, Micro-Man gathered evidence on Q’Rell’s activities.  The General wanted to use the Laval attack to sabotage the meetings and unite both sides under a common cause.  He did not think the Lavals would be able to kill six Atlanteans and two Pacificans with the Atlantic and Pacific Guards protecting the meetings.  When confronted by King Morn and Viceroy Parr’Ell Montae, Q’Rell surprisingly surrendered without a fight.

    At this point, accounts of what transpired become muddled.  Everyone present in the meeting rooms of the Panama Canal all have multiple accounts of what happened with many similarities.  One account suggests that Q’Rell didn’t surrender but fought the King and Viceroy when confronted, and this spilled out into a full-blown battle between Atlantis and Pacifica.  Another account suggests that a battle ensued, and one of Q’Rell’s soldiers detonated a bomb, killing hundreds.  There were more accounts, but they all ended with a white light and with a reset to the moment Q’Rell was confronted.

    According to ATOM Labs, these accounts are all telltale signs of time travel.  “My guess is that someone either traveled back in time to prevent the battle,” said Professor Simone Givens, spacetime scientist at ATOM Labs, “or someone showed them possible futures in order to prevent the battle.  Either way, time travel shenanigans.”

    “And yes, that’s a technical term.”

    Whatever calamity was supposedly averted, Q’Rell and his forces were peacefully arrested and will be charged with several crimes.  The General’s forces will likely receive a variety of punishments, but Q’Rell will certainly receive the death penalty.  Their trials have yet to be set.

    After the arrests, tensions between the two sides eroded.  Atlanteans were just as upset over Q’Rell’s actins as the Pacificans, and King Morn and Viceroy Montae hammered out an agreement to hold an election to grant Pacifica its freedom.  It’s a startling turn for King Morn who was staunchly opposed to Pacifican independence.

    “Whatever he saw must have been worse than giving Pacifica their freedom,” said political observer, Luis Mendoza of the University of Panama.  “I can only speculate what he saw, but it’s not hard to imagine that he saw a civil war tear apart his kingdom.”

    The election will be held in two weeks.

  • Dracula Wins Transylvanian Election

    Dracula Wins Transylvanian Election

    draculawins

    By Buffy Bolivar

    CLUJ – In a decisive victory, Transylvanian Prime Minister Dracula won reelection for the 28th consecutive time, continuing his 220 year reign.  He defeated the Full Moon Party candidate, Dinu Nicolescu, a werewolf, with 61% of the vote.

    While publicly campaigning on jobs, infrastructure, and lower taxes on blood imports, Dracula ran a dirty campaign.  Nicolescu complained about attack ads aimed at him and his werewolf nature, calling them “disgraceful and discriminatory against my Lupine-kind”.  Nicolescu’s werewolf half also made several complaints about Dracula’s tactics during the full moon, usually by scratching notes into walls and howling at the moon.

    Before Nicolescu, no werewolf had ever run for Prime Minister, and only 14% of Parliament is Full Moon.  “Many Transylvanians are wary of the werewolves,” said New Romford political scientist, Maria Stephens.  “It’s been over thirty years since the werewolf rights movement happened in that country, yet they still have reservations about their leaders tearing up the place once a month.  Not to mention the shedding.”

    Dracula insists he ran a proper campaign and scoffs at the idea he engaged in dirty politics.  “My opponent is a werewolf, and 30% of our populace is Lupine,” he said.  “As Prime Minister, I must lead and protect all of my people regardless of if they’re human, vampire, werewolf, golem, or minotaur.  All creatures are welcome in Transylvania.”

    Exit polls show that the main concern for voters was the economy with unemployment reaching 11% last month.  Nicolescu promised to lower taxes on the wealthiest Transylvanians to encourage job creation, an issue 57% of Transylvanians disagreed with, and pledged to increase taxes on silver and wolfsbane, both of which received less support.  Voters were clear in wanting to stay the course with Dracula, supporting his call for better roads, increased mining in the Carpathians, and monthly blood-tasting parties at his villa near the Turda Gorges.

    “What can I say,” said Stephens.  “Dracula throws the best parties.”