Tag: death traps

By Falco Rockbert

MAZE ISLAND, Caribbean Sea – Maximillian Mazerly, a.k.a. Maze Man, was arrested today after his island resort, Maze Island, was full of death traps despite his many assurances that it wasn’t.

El Toro apparently visited Maze Island undercover as a civilian on numerous occasions over the past few weeks, unconvinced that the supervillain had truly reformed.  Prior to the resort’s opening, he inspected all 12 of the island’s mazes, including the hotel, pool, golf course, and facilities.  At the time, El Toro couldn’t find any sign of death traps.

But there was  a secret maze:  the 13^th Maze.  It was filled with death traps.

“I heard rumors of the 13^th Maze from the staff,” said Cristos Williams, one of the first guests to the resort.  “They talked about it in hushed tones, which only made it more enticing.  I had already completed the underwater maze and the full-island maze, so I was looking for another challenge.  So I followed one employee to a storage closet that was emitting a green light, and I thought, ‘Bingo, 13^th Maze.’  Then, I fell down a trap door into a room of spikes, wrecking balls, and lasers.”

“It was nothing but death traps.”

According to the nearly two dozen guests who entered the 13^th Maze, each corridor punished the maze runner if they took a wrong turn or tried to cheat, usually by shooting spikes or lasers at them.  Three people fell into a snake pit, which were non-venomous, though they didn’t know that at the time, and two people were hit with the spikes, non-fatally.  Somehow, no one actually died from the death traps.

But this all seemed to be a ruse to attract El Toro into the 13^th Maze.  When he did emerge in costume, El Toro helped the guests who were stuck in the maze.  The real danger of the 13^th Maze, as it turned out, was that there wasn’t an exit, and Maze Man appeared on a video screen to gloat about this to El Toro.

“Man, I should’ve known this was all a trap for El Toro,” said Michael Fern.  “I kept seeing bull symbols all over the island.  Like, dude wasn’t even subtle about it in hindsight.  He’s always had a grudge.”

Thankfully, El Toro analyzed the entrance to the 13^th Maze and recognized that it was a dimensional portal, which was how he missed it.  He reconfigured an analysis device on his belt to trigger the portal’s energy signature and was able to teleport himself and everyone else out of the maze safely.  Then, it was a simple matter of defeating Maze Man’s goons and capturing Maze Man himself, and the horror of the 13^th Maze was over.

Mazerly tried to explain that no one had actually died in his “death traps” (and he made air quotes), but considering three people were traumatized in the snake pits, El Toro punched him in the face, knocking him unconscious.  Currently, he is in custody of the local officials.

By Falco Rockbert

MAZE ISLAND, Caribbean Sea – Reformed supervillain, Maze Man, a.k.a. Maximillian Mazerly, has been cleaning up his act for the past 15 years.  He’s designed mazes for over 30 theme parks around the world, and despite a track record of putting death traps in his mazes, not a single person has been harmed by these new mazes.

Now, Mazerly has opened his own island resort, Maze Island, and he promises it’s not a death trap.

“I know my past better than anyone else,” he said.  “There has been countless injuries in my mazes, and I’ve paid my debt to society for them.  But no one has ever died in one of my mazes, and that’s something I pride myself on.  Sure, my mazes have driven a certain number of people to go insane, but no one has died.”

For the record, 18 people, including superhero Wave Man, have been institutionalized from entering Mazerly’s mazes over the past 30 years, and all of them still need psychiatric help to this day.

“And I know I used to employ ‘death traps,’” he continued, “but did anyone actually die?  No, of course not.  I’m a genius maze maker, not a genius death trap maker.  Those were just obstacles for superheroes, especially for El Toro.  He was just the best at solving them.”

To appease the fears people might have in coming to an island resort designed by the famed Maze Man himself, especially one with 12 mazes on it, Mazerly invited El Toro to examine his resort last month.  El Toro couldn’t find any sign of death traps, and he reported only two mazes might cause insanity, but Mazerly had put warning signs at their entrances.

The mazes come in the form of hedge mazes, pyramid mazes, castle mazes, a corn maze, and a maze that can only be solved with a helicopter.  Mazerly didn’t give an explanation for how some of his mazes worked, leaving that up to his guests.

“It wouldn’t be any fun if I told you how to solve them,” he said.  “Some are straight-forward, for the average guest, but for the true maze enthusiasts, I give no instruction.  Sometimes, I don’t point out where the entrance is.”

“And again, I promise, no death traps.”